December

It is already Dec. 26th today. I was so busy that could not stay in front of my computer to update my blog! Also, one of reasons is poor service of our internet connection at my office. It has been very busy but a special and blessed month for sure. We had the service of Lessons and Carols with eight different groups involved to lift up our heart to our New Born King. I loved the worship service myself. Not because of how music or other group performed but because I could worship Him and feel people's hearts to God. I prayed a lot for the service that God may bring the lost even one to the worship service and had gotten confidence that God did even though I did not know who they were.
Emmanuel, God is with us, is miracle and grace. How could God come to us! As Philppians 2;5-11." Jesus made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, and he humbled himself, and became obedient to death, even death on the cross! ", Jesus showed us how to live in this world. He did not come to in a recognizable place, or even average place. He came to the lowest place to be. How could I be then proud? Even Jesus was humble! How could I insist that I deserve better life than right now? How dare!

As I prepared this year Christmas, in one point I was grumpy and sad with my finacial situations and became sad. I was grateful for myself but not very grateful for my kids. Because I could not afford to buy what they wrote in their lists. Also, I was not happy that I could not buy presents to people I wanted to give certain stuff. I looked again around me. That was my weakness! I should not have looked around me. I should have looked up, the Lord who is always faithful to me. Thankfully, God reminded me why I became sad and asked me instead " What have you prepared to me, on my Christmas this year?". Whoops....I felt sorry that I even did not think hard enough what I was going to give Him. I prayed and confessed how weak I have been and my sinful heart. And asked Him " What do you want me to give you, Lord?" The answer was very simple but amazing. "Praise". He wanted me to praise Him. I do praise Him everyday, all the time but He wanted me to praise Him special one. So, I decided to sing solo at Christmas eve services. I personally do not like to sing in front of people by myself, especially, on special occasions. Especially I thought that singing "O Holy Night" at that service was not meaningful because people usually considered as one of kind songs should be heard on Christmas, making people Christmasy. I do not like my singing being considered "Christmasy" music. However, I prayed Him that I really wanted to lift up my heart to Him. On 23rd, I started having sore throat badly, could not swallow anything but a medicine and water. At Christmas Even dawn prayer, I prayed Him that if I do not have a voice, I will not sing but please receive my heart. However, I had a voice and sang through it. I did not care whether it sounded great or not but did prayed that my heart praising Him only. I just love Him so deeply and am thankful that He wants me to praise Him. I cried that night because of His incredible gift, Himself! I do not deserve to have Him but He loved me first and came down for me. What an amazing love!

I want to spend some time to repent my sins in 2009 and think back in details to give thanks in details before the last day of 2009.

Most of all, my resolution in 2009 has been completed in some ways. My personal motto was "Nearer to God" in 2009. God has been restoring me in prayers, His words, and communication that I clearly distinguish His voice and follow Him without doubt. I still doubt and get confused but I have gotten so much better this year. I am very excited about 2010 that How God will lead me and my family.
May the Lord be with you all as Emmanuel!

Love covers

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

After a long period of time with 1 Corinthian 13, this verse from 1 Peter has been recited in my heart all day long. I have been praying to ask God what He wants me to do and there have been answers with general acts such as "praying or reading the Holy bible" or specific actions such as giving a certain book to someone, or calling a friend and so on. Beyond all those answers, God has been strongly telling to me one thing is "Love others deeply!" I am not sure exactly how love covers a multitude of sins. But, I do know that Jesus did it on the cross for us.

I can't love like Jesus does by myself but Jesus promised me that He will be with me until the end. It means that He will lead and help me to love others with His heart. What can I say more than obey? Even though there are a number of people who make my heart aches, I will pray and love them anyway because He tells me to.

Dating with the One

It has been for over a month now that God has waken me up around 3:00 or 4:00 regularly with a song, or words in my hearts. Amazingly, I haven't been tired at all, but I have felt more energeric with deep peace. I have enjoyed so much this date with God in the early mornings, and am afraid of what if I forget this intimate time with God in the future. When I started a month ago, I was desperated to know what God wanted me to do in that situation. I still haven't heard anything as an answer but keep hearing the same message that "Seeking Kingdome of God and His righteousness" and Keep praying in His Spirit no matter what. So, what I can I do more except obey to what He tells me to do everyday? Only thing...is "prayer". That is the reason that I wake up early. Even though it has been more than month now, I wake up with great excitment and expectation for the Lord every single morning. It has been just undescribly precious.

More than fifteen years ago before I married, I used to wake up around 4:00 and prayed for more than two hours everyday when I was in a missionary group to be trained as a full time missionary. For a whole year, I kept the hours, and prayed during a day with the group also. I could tell that I totally surrendered all my life and everything. I always thought about that time and wanted to go back to have that thirst and longing to be nearer to the Lord everyday. I believe that God has been restoring me in prayers and His word like that time. Actually, God has started restoring since I moved down here especially as I started kneeling down at the sanctuary every morning. Even though I am nothing without Him, He loves me so much and wants me to have an intimate relationship. That is just beyond amazing. Almighty God wants to have a relationship with like me!

One of evidences when I pray deeply is peace from above. The siuation is exactly same before or after a prayer, but my heart become totally different than before. Peace, Peace, Wonderful peace is from above! I pray that God will continue helping me to keep this sweet hour of prayer. I love You Lord!

Do you believe in Jesus?

I had a chance to attend revival services over the last weekend at a Korean Church in Savannah. There were five times services with three hour long each time from Friday night to Sunday night. A main focus was about the evangelism why and how we need to spread the Gospel. The speaker also focused on “seeking God’s kingdom and His righteousness”. I was fully challenged and encouraged with the speaker’s messages. One of suggestions about how to spread the Gospel got my attention. It was a simple phrase “do you believe in Jesus?” to find out whether they are Christians or not when we try to spread the Gospel. I asked the question to myself. “Do you believe in Jesus, Yoon?” of course, I said “Yes”. And after I heard a sermon at the second service on last Sunday, I asked further questions based on “believing in Jesus” to myself. If I believe in Jesus that He redeemed me with His precious blood on the cross, do I believe in Jesus that He answers our prayer every single one? I said “yes” to myself that I do believe in Jesus and believe that He answers our every single prayer especially when I seek His kingdom and righteousness. Then why not I pray more? It is just so simple. Why not? If we say that we believe in Jesus, then why not we pray? Isn’t it so simple?
So, I would like to invite to you all for our prayer time in the sanctuary. I know that you pray at home but it will be more powerful when we get together in one Spirit. We will meet at 11:00 on Thursday morning at the sanctuary. I know some of you who want to come but have to go to work, please join us with in the Spirit in that hour. We will just simply pray and seek His Kingdom and righteousness. You might say “prayer is not enough”. Then I would like to ask “what can be enough?” and “have you prayed enough?” Also, it is written “my house will be a house of prayer” in the bible.
God is the living God whether we want to believe the truth only when we want or not. I can’t wait to see how God answers our prayer! Let’s get together to seek His Kingdom!!
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' (Jeremiah 33:3)

Am I distracted?

I was stressed out about today's worship service with the bishop's hour at our church. There was no format to follow but just worship for a half hour and I need to lead. I could not decide which songs we need lift up and have been praying for a guidance of the Holy Spirit for several days. Also, I helped to clean up the church yesterday because our custodian was sick with a flu. I dragged the heavy vacuum in the sanctuary, and here and there. I was happy to serve no complaining but still stressed out that I need to decide how to lead the service while I was cleaning. Amazingly, at this morning in my quiet time with the Word, God gave me exactly what I need to hear with Luke 10:38-42. I was again becoming Martha. As I shared in this blog before about my personality being Martha in many circumstances. It occurred again. :) Jesus told Martha "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." It sounded to me as "Yoon, Yoon, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." Even though I have been praying a lot lately, I do worry and stressed out about things which I do not need to. Although I have been focus clearly more lately than before, I still miss to choose one thing which is the most important matter in a circumstance. I am just so thankful that God reminded me this morning with His word and praying that may the Lord help me to open my heart to be sensitive to His Spirit in every moment to follow with right choice. What is the most important matter right now?

True Friend

In many thoughts lately, I have realized how important to pray fervently in Holy Spirit. I pray for many people and stuff but do not sometimes realize how important it is to pray in the Spirit. The dawn service has been a big help for me to focus on praying and listening God's word clearly. Amazing thing is that God shows how much details about living as a good christian which I haven't been able to follow well. On last Monday night, I had found out again that people did not invite me to one of my friends birthday party. I felt so left out again, and cried for a while with sadness that people do not accept me as their friend but only see me as a person who works for them. I simply was missing having friends. While I was crying, Jesus reminded me that He is my friend, and asked me what I need to have more. I prayed and confessed that I knew that Jesus is my friend but did not really consider Him as my real friend. At the very next morning dawn service, a lady,who leads two hymns in the beginning of the service, led two songs ;what a friend we have in Jesus, and Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted?. It seemed coincidence but I saw that as Jesus was telling me again about Him as my friend. Also, He reminded me who He had as friends and whom He was a friend to; the needy, the sick, the poor, and the heart-broken. How about me? Jesus wants me to live like Him and that is why we call ourselves "Christians". However, I did not prefer to be a friend of those people honestly. This Sunday is the world communion Sunday. It will be a great chance to repent my sins especially related to boastfulness and not humbled living this world as God's child. I like this prayer on the World communion Sunday from gbod website.

" Jesus prayed that we might be one.One in spirit One in mission In union and communion with each other and with You.
Today, God, we confess fumblings and failures in accomplishing unity, as we set aside yet another day to remind ourselves of the task.On this World Communion Sunday, give us eyes to recognize your reflection in the eyes of Christians everywhere. Give us a mind to accept and celebrate our differences.Give us a heart big enough to love your children everywhere.We thank you for setting a table with space enough for us all! Amen. "

Daniel's prayers

I have thought too much lately with so many issues in our lives and could not figure them out into writing. That is one of reasons that I haven't been able to update anything lately. However, I have been enjoying presence of God in prayer and worship. I have started attending regularly to the dawn service in Korean baptist church from Wed. to Sat. morning. I could not stay longer to pray because I have to come home to wake my kids to be ready for their school but I stay longer on Saturday. It is a such a blessing that there is a Korean church nearby for that service. I do not think it is matter with God whether I pray at home or at church but I really enjoy opening a new day with praising God, hearing God's word and fervent prayers. God wakes me up at 5:08 every morning for more than a week now. I could not believe how exact the time is at the clock next my bed. I know that God wants to me to kneel first thing in the morning.

Our sanctuary reading bible has gotten now to "Daniel". As I read out loud Daniel's story today, I could not resist not to kneel right away and pray for our church, nation, and world. Daniel did not take any food and confessing his sin and his people's sin and asking God's mercy upon them. He was desperate for God's mercy. I have been asking myself a question that do I have that desperate heart like Daniel about getting God's mercy upon everyone? Do I? God might want that heart from me anything else. I sometimes over work like Martha does and loose or miss what the most important matter is. God does not need anything to be shown off but the heart and relationship to Him. I really do want to be covered not showing myself in public when I lead choirs and I have been praying about it. I do not want people see me who looks working hard. I pray that people see and feel God's presence at our worship and praise instead of seeing people or me conducting. I do want to be like Mary who desired to hear the words from Jesus and have a close relationship with Jesus more than works to be shown. I also want to have the heart like Daniel seeking God's mercy desperately upon everyone. Lord, have mercy upon us!!

How can we live in harmony?

I had a bitter experience lately at our pool in our neighborhood. There was a couple outside of the pool and a boy who was playing by himself at the pool when my friends who were visiting us from Detroit, and we got there. Our kids were playing lively and the boy was trying to play with my kids. My friend's son played with the boy and threw one of the boy's toy into the water to catch. The mother of the boy yelled outloud "You don't want to throw the toy like that! You are very mean!" and came to her son, telling "don't play with them, go to the other end of the pool". Well....I was watching and trying to figure it out what my friend's son did wrong. A few minutes later, there was a family with three kids coming into the pool and starting playing with the toy without permission to say. She did not say anything and let them play with her precious boy. She kept looking us in very hatful eyes. My friend asked "is this a normal happening in this area?" I could not answer. In my head, I was trying to figure it out what I should do. I could not do anything. My girls kept asking why the woman got so mean and yelled to them with no reason. They were expecting me to do something back to the woman but what I could do? I have felt sick from deep in my stomach for sure but can't help to change the woman's prejudice mind. Honestly, I have had countless bad experiences since I came to the state. At the first time, I was really upset and got so mad that I could not even sleep. However, I kind of overcame with those people. It still makes me very sad though. It happens still a lot even though you don't see it through your eyes. I sometimes am treated as just an Asian woman who can't speak English at all. Good thing is that I became not bothered with them. They don't know me at all but just assume who I am by seeing outside. That is okay. It is not my problem but theirs.

I have asked questions about myself too. Do I have any problems with any different people around me with no reason? I confess that I do too. I have been thinking to find out why people do not want to accept "differences" and we also like to make superior ourselves over others in many places. All is from lack of self-esteem for sure. If we think about Jesus, He never compared himself to others. He never tried to pretend someone who look wealthy or intelligent. He just acted as himself. I think that we all have, somehow, low self-esteem. We can't stand not comparing to others' in every single thing to make us feel better or worse. If we find out that there is one thing better than others, we act and believe that we are superior than the others. If we find out that they are better, we have to get something to make us feel like better than them. What a tragedy!I know for sure, God created everyone different. What if God made us all the same? I think that we still want to find who is superior than others. God created us totally different but gives us same value; worthy than the whole world. Even though we don't see or accept ourselves the worth, God is still seeing us the same precious child of His. I really do want to see myself and others like how God sees us. Then, I even will not be sad with no matter what people treat me or my girls. I truly want to have the hearts of God. I truly want my kids to have that hearts so, they can't be hurt or give hurt toward others who are different from them.

Lord, my Father, please open our hearts and eyes to see the world like You see it. Please, let us have your hearts and eyes!

My car, Grace

Since 1997 we have had used cars. I had a serious car accident by avoiding a giant deer on a high way, flipped twice and half, and our first new car was totalled. Right after the accident, we got 1988 Pontiac Bonneville. Even though it did not have any air condition, we used it for almost five years. We named her "Grace" because it was old but gracefully running well. Also, at that time, the economy in Korea was dropped badly, the dollar currency went up to triple. Fortunately, we did not have to pay the car payment which might have been painful. It was true His Grace even though I had side effects from the accident for more than six months. Right before my Joanne was born, we felt that we needed a reliable car and found my car, 1996 Ford Taurus in Chicago. We got her in Dec. 2001. We named her again "Grace" that we were hoping that the car runs long and well. While we have had Grace, Jason got another old car, named little foot, for himself. My Grace died this Monday. I knew that she was fading lately. I kept telling Grace to hold on until Jason gets a real job then we can buy a new car. However, she stopped. Thankfully, she did not stop at the big four way stop in the middle of now where instead stopped at right in front of my church so, we could push her to the church parking lot easily. I am sure that God led me through to be in a safe place and sent people to help me out. As thinking back those years, I have felt God's grace and faithfulness. Although it is not a good time to buy a new car with our financial situation, God has led us faithfully in His grace. I could not see still how I am going get another car right away, but I am not worried because of His faithfulness. He never ignore my prayers even a small one. Some people say about prayer but don't believe it. However, I do believe that He listens our prayers and answers. My girls and I decided already what to name next our car. Of course, "Grace" again. His grace never run out. His grace overflows always within our lives. Let's enjoy His grace!

Remembering my dad on his birthday

It seems weird to think about some one's birthday who already passed away. Today is my dad's birthday. I still want to celebrate his birthday though even though he does not exist on earth anymore. He lived not that long life but did live and left great influence among his family, students, and friends for sure. He was born as a first son but third child at his family, was always in the first place in his classes according to my grandma throughout his school years. He did not like to fight or do stuff which common boys like to do. So, they teased him a lot. He was into writing, reading, or listening to others' lives. He wanted to study more but my grandfather wanted him to inherit his business. He took off to Seoul to study in Seoul National university in master's degree but his parents did not support him at all and were mad at him completely. He got a national scholarship to study abroad, came to University of Minnesota in 1962. He finished his master's degree and went back to Korea. He found out that his wealthy parents lost their business totally so, he took care of all his family including 7 other siblings. He worked as an associate professor at Seoul National University and taught at several other university to support his family. I do remember that when I was young, I lived with two aunts, my grandparents, my parents, and other adults too. In Korea, we usually live with our parents until we get married. He became a representative of Korea at UNESCO, and other international meetings and traveled all around the world. He also became a dean of students union in very politically difficult years in Korea. He kept telling me that how hard his job was. And I remember that how much pain he had for the poor people. He cried often because he was a true humanist. He was an outstanding tennis player, had high level in Taekwundo, and enjoyed every single small things. He was a sensitive, brilliant, and sweet dad. I know... everything is meaningless after we leave the earth. However, I think that it is very important to live well and do our best in our lives. I just want to celebrate my dad's birthday by sharing his life. I surely miss him a lot.

Priority

A simbol of the retreat center at Lake Junaluska might be the cross on the hill. You can't miss it not seeing the one unless you only look down floor all the time. It is made on the hill toward the lake and mountains and it is decorated with many lights so you can see during the night too. I had moment to think about that cross related to my life. First of all, I thought about which way should be the first considering the cross; vertical line or paralle line? As we know, cross represents the redemption, salvation by Jesus Christ. He restored our relationship between God and people, as well as among people. However, it is very important to think about our priority to accept and live under the cross. If our priority leans on the relationship among people, it might leadto the byroad a lot. Some people calls "liberal" but I do not want to call it as "liberal". I can call it as hearts centered to people. For example, we love our neighbors first like ourselves. It sounds really loving and right but if we do love first our neighbors, we can not continue love them like ourselves. You know why? because we can not love without God's love within our hearts. Some people believe themselves that they can love that much but it has limitation truly. Nevertheless, if we give priority to the relationship with God first, it leads us the truth and right way. In the gospel, Jesus told us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength as the most important commandment. And then love our neighbors. It can be applied to the music ministry too. If I prepare well for only comforting, pleasing people or hearing from people saying " great music" with our music at the church, it is wrong addressed. It should be prepared to glorify God and pleasing Him. Then, God gives His joy through the music to people more than we can make. I know that God sees the heart of people. He sees our deep centered heart. I sometimes get afraid of being in front of people on Sunday because I know that God sees my heart. It is so easy to forget and ignore what is in the center of our heart when we worship Him. I have prayed that God gives me His truthfulness into my heart to serve Him right way.

Say No is....

more difficult than say yes. I knew it but it was harder than what I thought. I haven't had much experience facing that problems in my life. I had to say no and let a person down today. I am still in shock and feeling beaten badly after what I did even though I had to. Of course, the person spit total curses for me and got hurt. I hope that she can understand that I am also got hurt to tell her. I have many weaknesses; one of them is I do not want to face to a situation that I have to say "no" or turn down something. So, I decided to do it this morning with a prayer before I told her. It stung directly to me too. I have thought about God's response toward us through this morning. He sometimes let us have a bitter moment. He has to say no to our prayers. However, we usually get upset and feel that we get hurt only. I learned from today's experience that it must have been really hard for Him to tell us no. For His big and perfect picture, He has to say no, even though we do not see the whole big picture. I am still hurting but thankful that God says no to us sometimes. What if He says yes all the time to every single prayer?

Dear Lord, let us grow in You sincerely and please give Your wisdom and compassion throughout our lives.

Welcome July!

Oh~! my goodness! It is truly July! We are starting a new half of 2009! Welcome July! even though the weather is steamy hot. July is a true summer month; VBS, pools, ice-cream, fire-works and so on. It has been a wonderful two and half months with my mom and she is leaving on July 6th to Korea. I have felt some regrets with many stuff. For example, I could not take her out certain places in Savannah but I told her that I need to save those places for later her visit. I wish I could take care of her nearby until she goes our eternal home. I really do wish. However, I pray that God sends loving people around her to make her happy and not lonely without her kids nearby. I am already sad but trust the Lord that He will be with her always.

I enjoyed a lot at Lake Junaluska last week. Most of all, I enjoyed seeing 1100 people who are devotional to music to serve the Lord. Each morning, my heart was pounding with expectation and longing for morning worship service. I cried a lot because of God's beauty. I could see His beautiful creation in nature, people, music, arts, and hearts. I wish that I have talents to describe vividly how beautiful God's world is. I wish that I have big hearts to contain all the love, grace, joy, and peace from Him to share with others. I wish that I have an ability to deliver those beautiful words of God. However, God comforted me that He sees my hearts and love toward Him. I do not want to live to be just medium. I will do my best to live in this world to lift my heart to the Lord and to work hard with my talents to produce as much as I can. So, I want to hear from my Lord at the end," You, good servant, did your best! Now, take rest and enjoy eternity with me." Let's work! We do not have time to sit and being whiny!

WEED-LOGY

After my mom came to our home, there is a special activity created in our home; pulling weeds. As I heard from our neighobores, previous two owners of this house never took care of the lawn. So, you can imagine condition of my back yard. According my mom’s expression, “I can’t stand seeing the weeds!” And there she is pulling weeds. I could not stay inside not helping my mom so, I started pulling with her. And now, I say “I hate the weeds!” While I was pulling weeds, I have found that weeds’ stragedies. Amazingly, they are similar to SIN, especially, hidden, light sin. First of all, they look like a good grass. If you look only surface, it is hard to recognize which the weeds are. It disguises really well. Our hidden sins can be covered by our behaviors in daily life. Especially, if we repeat the sin, we notice that the sin becomes “excused well” and considered not like big sin. Also, the weed has got deeper and stronger root than normal grass. I am amazed always how deep the roots are. Some of them litererally is longer than ten inches. If we think about our light sin that where and when it comes from, it probably is from long long time ago with just light reason. The weeds also spread quickly than the grass. If you ignore them even one day, it gets multiplies more than you can imagine like our repeated light sins. As you know, there are tons of products and methods to kill weeds. However, if you are not careful using them, you can kill the lawn itself too. If we do not use a right key, our soul and hearts can be hurt as we revealing our sin. It should be only by repentence to theLord as we know; not by good behaviors, theraphy or counseling. Getting rid of our hidden and light sins are not easy to do. It requires lots of effort, labors, and willingness. Also, it can be hurting when it comes out. However, when we get rid of it from the root, we can be free; sinfree! Because of Jesus, we can be free!
I asked my mom the other day when we pulled the weed “mom, do you think there is hope that these weed will be completely pulled off?” My mom said “I believe it so!” I know, it sounds too imaginary to compare but I think that weed and sin have very similar characters indeed. I hate weed, as well as sin!

Welcome June and Happy Anniversary!

I know, I haven't been updating my home page lately. I honestly wrote several articles but did not finish to update. I have been distracted in many ways even though I am not busy at all. After mom came, I have tried to spend time with her at home, so I have been watching many Korean TV programs which I never watched before. I am not a TV watcher. However, it has been our family night event.

It is June!! Today is my 14th wedding anniversary; June 3rd. I can't believe that it is our 14th year. We have been knowing each other since 6th grade and never dated but married suddenly. I am very thankful for our lives together. We are still immature in many ways in our relationship but I am sure that we will grow step by step as one team.

Summer is a hard season to be focused on anything. I have found out that I haven't been productive for several weeks. If I am busy, I can be more focused. I would like to be more focused and productive in June. Laziness is one of things that I do not like. Life is not long, or slow. It goes fast. I do not have time to kill the time. Let's have a productive month! Yes, I determined that I will have a productive month and life.

Meaning of " knowing"

What really means that you know something about it? Today's Rev. Bill's sermon reminded me a conversation with one of my friends. We shared one day about this real meaning of "knowing". We say lots of times " I know that". However, I question myself "do I really know it?" For example, if I know about that we need to exercises for our health, but do not exercise, it means I do not know the meaning exactly. Do you get my point? If we know something but not believe or follow it, it is not truly known by us. As same thing, we know that God loves us deeply and forever. However, we doubt and act like we do not know. It means that we really do not know. We can't say we know about it unless we truly act on it. It is tricky to explain but somehow true. I think that I assume that I know stuff but really.... I do not know them well enough to follow as knowledge. I have thought about it since this morning, what if I do everything what I say I know truly everyday then, what will happen? I must have been in good shape first of all in everything. I would eat only "good food", would exercises properly, sleep regularly, be done my dissertation, love always, pray in every moment, be gentle to everyone and so on. I really do want to follow at least a couple of things for sure that I know in truth and do action. I will try to do my best to keep my word that I say "I know."

Welcome May~!!

I can't believe that it is already May!!!

I love May. In Korea, May is the most beautiful season of all. All the festivals are held in May and lots of people get married too. Also, there are children's day on 5th, and parents' day on 8th. Also, Teacher's day is on 15th. Children get a special present from their parents and schools and it is a holiday. We give a carnation corsage for our parents on Parents' day. All parents wear the corsage on their left chest. I used to make them for my parents and grandparents. I remember that my dad wore them proudly to his work at the university. We also give the same corsage to our teachers on 15th. We consider our teachers as our parents. We give our respect. I still send a card to my teachers on that day. I miss them so much!!

I will make a beautiful corsage for my mom this year. I am so happy that she is here in May. Having a mom is the best feeling of being loved ever. I am just so thankful that I have had great parents and being loved abundantly. Let's have a wonderful month of May filled with love, joy, and peace!

Being Responsible

When I grew up in my home town church choir from my 6th grade, I have learned about being responsible. Even though I was not a soloist or anything, I hardly missed rehearsals and Sunday service. Especially, my home was an hour away from the church and I had to take a bus by myself to go to the church. In Korea, children can do it if you know where you are going. On Sunday, I had to leave to the church at 6:5o in the morning to get there on time for a rehearsal too. I was happy to do that.
I know, I can't insist to everyone in my choir to follow like me in here especially in different country. We all are different. I do not have problem with that reason but I have been thinking that we are somehow too much being excused especially for commitment to the Lord. The conclusion of excuses always end that God is love. He will understand. I know, He does. However, I do not think He likes that attitude.
After Easter, my chancel choir members have got loosen somehow. Also, three youth handbell made unusual excuse and did not show up when their performance day. If you think about those attitude in professional world, it is even not acceptable to talk about it. I know, I know we are volunteer group. That is why being responsible is the most valuable fact. It is all from willingness of our hearts toward the Lord. That willingness has power.
I am not sure how I can insist, teach, or guide people to be committed church musicians. I have prayed for them but it seems not enough.
If we love the Lord deeply, our priority will be for Him for sure. I need some wisdom from the Lord.

Being a runner

How can I run with my best until the end?

I have felt whenever after any big days, I become in low energy and slow down in my race. After Easter, I felt so tired and did not want to do anything else even though I could not be lazy. Spiritually also. I have tons of prayers to lift up to the Lord lately but my energy is so low. I know that we need to cool down for a while physically after some events. However, I think that we do not want to slow down for our Spiritual life cycle. I do read still the bible in the sanctuary and pray everyday but I have felt that something makes me not to closer to the Lord. That is why we need to be awake and alert in Spirit always.

I used to be a short track runner at my middle school. I used to run really fast in 100 meter track. However, I want to be a good marathon runner for my life; keep in steady speed, having a lean body which is required to be a marathon runner, and never giving up until the end. There is only one way to be a good marathon runner; fill with the Holy Spirit always!

Let's ask the Lord filling us with His Spirit!!

What wondrous love is this!

Today was the Good Friday. Because of the busy schedule at my church, I haven't spent much time to pray or read more bible to meditate about the last week of Jesus' life on earth. It is very hard to focus when there are tons of works to do to. I have felt that some degree of regret how fast this week went without having an intimate time with Jesus. Even though I sang countless hymns and listened many meditation, I should have had some time off to have a that quite time with Jesus only more. While I was sitting at the long service this afternoon, I thought about Jesus. Why does he love us that much? I still could not understand some times. We are not even that nice at all and he already knew about us but sill loves us even given up his life for us. What wondrous love is this! we don't deserve that love but He still loves us. That is why it is wondrous and mysterious. As a sinner, I may not be able to understand his love. However, I am just overwhelmed by his love. He even did not say one word saying to blame, curse, or boast on the cross. If I were him, at least I would say one thing " it is all their fault".
why do you love us this much, Jesus? why?

Welcome April!

One of poets described that April is a crucial month. As I understood the poet, April is too beautiful to be alone. Well... it might be.

It is already April 7th. I have been very busy to confront the Holy week. Especially, our Lenten cantata will present tomorrow. I haven't slept without thinking for several days. It will be great but I still could not get the whole picture. Maybe God wants me to give up that part. He is the one who controls everything not me!

Anyway, April comes to me as a color "green" always. The leaves of trees, new grass, and smell of green are definitely representing April.

I would like to be renewed like natures in April. I want to have the smell of green.

Welcome April!!

Forgiveness

There are only two weeks left until Easter. I have been spending lots of time lately to think about our Lenten cantata. God gave me a strong word or theme for the cantata; "forgiveness." I don't know why and what I need to do for that. However, whenever I have tried to avoid the word, God has made me sure that I am following His word. He must have planned that He would like to see the people who have been problem with forgiveness. I honestly don't have problem with anyone yet what that I know of. Because Jesus died for us, our sins are forgiven eternally. I do not know what to make people to forgive each other except prayers. I don't know what God wants. I do know that He does not accept or forgive us unless we forgive ourselves for sure. I am still struggling what to do following the cantata, but praying that God shows me vivid image what I need to do. Would you like to pray with me for the Cantata night? I have felt very urgent that He has called people for forgiveness.

New Beginning

Happy birthday to me~! Yes, today, I turned forty!! YEAH!

Yes, I am happy to be forty as I shared before. If you think about life which lasts around 80, I lived half way. And another half has just started. It is time to grow in Spirit and closer to the Lord! My life has been blessed in many many ways and God, my heavenly Father, has been leading me so faithfully. I am just so grateful that I am saved early in my life and have had great experiences what and how God has been working in my life. Most of all, He always blesses me to have many good people around me from beginning of my life. I am just overly blessed even though I don't deserve all! His loving kindness endures forever!

Now, it is time to grow and make fruits from my forty years of life; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

Create me in a clean heart

I am not good at cleaning, sorting, or filing even though I spent lots of time for them. I don't mind doing those. Some people say "I hate cleaning". But for my case, I don't hate but I am not good at. Do you get the differences? I spend more than other people who are good at cleaning for cleaning but result is worse. I sometime wants to hire some people to do it for me.
Anyway, today was our church cleaning day. Jason and I cleaned the Sanctuary as well as the hall way walls with oil. While I was cleaning dust off from each congregation seats, I prayed for people as well as myself that Lord cleanse me with His blood and give us a clean heart. As we know, we need to cleaning often to keep the clean condition. If we do often, it takes less timing and effort but if we postpone and clean only once in a while, it takes many hours as well as our energy and effort. It is same as our heart. If I keep postponing to confess or admit my sin or fault, it roots deeply and hard to be taken off. I notice that if it is a small one, it is worse than a big one because it can be hidden or ignored easily. It is like a weed. If you don't take them off with root completely, it grows quickly and doubling enormously. Also, it is same in relationship too. If I feel something upset with someone, I should solve the problem. However, most of time, I do not. I just put up with it. However, I don't forget or forgive. That is the beginning of problems. Then, when I get the point that I can't stand it anymore, I become a live volcano. And the other side person can't understand because the person does not understand the root. I have to make myself to express my emotion when it happens at the first place. I learned from one seminar with a special minister who was an expert for relationship that we need to use " I message" to express our emotion to other people. If something happens, and you feel upset, you just need to simply say " I am upset" to other side. If it hurts, I just simply say " I felt hurt". However, I notice that most of times, I use "You message" instead. "You made me upset" The power of I message is it is harmless toward the other side person. It is just expression. I still forget to use I message than You message. I have prayed that whenever I need to clean or fix my heart, I kneel down quickly or go to see the person right away to restore relationship. It could be between friends and me or God and me.

Welcome March!!

Yes, finally... March is here! I think the person who named this month as March, did a wonderful job. March is a such active month especially among natures. March is also waking my senses; smell, sight, hearing, tasting, and touching; yellow flowers, green leaves, birds singing, tasty spring vegetables, and so on. In Korea, we start our schools on March as the first semester; new schools, classes, friends and so forth. I remember that I used to be very tired and kind of cranky and moody because of all those changes environment in March. The weather is still bitter in Seoul but you had to wear "Spring" clothes to be a cool kids. So, I had to wear colorful thin jackets in cold March. I do remember how cold it was but did not mind being cold because it is Spring. My mom used to make a special soup with spring vegetable. Hmm... I could smell it still.

On the other hand, March is special because I was born in the month. I was supposed to be born in middle of April but I came out as pre-mie. I did not like my birthday because it was in March. I did not have a chance to make "best" friends yet in my new class so, I had to invite new friends who I even did not know well enough to call "friends" in my birthday party. After I grow up, I did not like my birthday in March because it usually lands during "Lent". It was a good Friday a couple of years ago. So, I did not celebrate any but postponed until Easter. Fortunately, it is during Lent but not on Good Friday this year. However, it is on Wednesday. It means I will not have time to celebrate. This year is a very special year for me. Guess what! I am turning 40!YEAH!Finally.

My girls have been asking "mom, are you looking forward to having your birthday?" I did not know why they keep asking, and found out that they felt being 40 is really old. My sweet Christine cheers me up always " Mom, don't worry! you still look like thirty something." On the other hand, my honest Joanne goes " mom, I can't believe that you are almost forty!! It is old!!".

For me, forty is very blessed and special number even though I feel really old like my Joanne told me. I think the number forty itself is very meaningful. Jesus had fast and was tempted in the desert for forty days, Israelite was wondering forty years in the desert and entered the promised Land. Also, Moses. spent forty days in Mountain Sinai with God, Elijah spent walking forty days and night in Mountain Horeb, Noah had forty days of raining and Jonah told Nineveh to repent for forty days. It led me to think about my forty years life.

When I was young, I wrote a diary about being forty in my future. I do remember what I wrote. I wrote that I will have a nice beautiful house, beautiful children with a handsome husband, wonderful job in college, and being a wise and beautiful woman. I even drew a picture with the diary. I do remember. Amazingly, I do have a beautiful house, beautiful children with a handsome husband, and a job. I am not sure about being wise and beautiful yet.

Lately, I made my goal what I need to do before forty but have not reached the goal yet. Most of all, I am afraid of my hearts become hard like callus with my old bad habits or mind. I want to be a mature and strong in faith and closer to the Lord but I want to have a soften hearts like a baby.If I have soften hearts, I will obey right away when He calls me or tells me to fix some wrong parts of mine. Also, whenever God wants to talk to me, He feels comfortable telling me right away because He knows that I will listen right away. I want to have that kind of heart. I want to be a woman who is still thoughtful but witty, strong but meek, loving but wise, open but bold, and flexible but faithful.

Well... I have exactly twenty more days to pray and reach my goal! Let's start right now to kneel to the Lord.

Feeling left out

It is already one and half years since we moved down to Richmond Hill from Bloomington, IN. However, I have feeling strange still sometimes. My girls had difficult time to adjust last year and I thought they are settled more in this "adjusting" period. However, I became a little worried after I had a moment with my Christine last night. She asked suddenly in out of blue, " mom, are there any Korean around here nearby?" I asked "Why". " I have been feeling lonely and left out". I immediately questioned"Where? from whom?" She did not answer me but shared that she misses her Korean friends in Indiana. I have felt very guilty that I neglected that area of their lives. I have been praying for their good adjustment, friendship, and being focused in school works. However, I never thought that they miss so called "Korean friends". It might have been from my belief that they are Korean-american, they are not totally Korean like me. I want to believe that they don't have difficulties to get along with others, Americans, in every single area. I honestly don't want to believe that they are different with others. It is from my bitter experience. Joanne is more like a typical American kid and she does not know why people consider her as a "Korean". She does not want to speak Korean at home even though she loves Korean food. However, Christin grew up in diversity more than Joanne. Also, she could write, read, and speak Korean well. She went to Korean school for several years. It is very hard to teach them have a right identity as "Korean-american". I honestly don't know how to even because I did not grow up as Korean-american. I am fully Korean. I am afraid of that what if I mis-lead them into a wrong way. How could I teach my kids that differences are good things and how could I let them feeling "home" in anywhere they go? How could I teach them wisely? I do not want them to grow with a sense of inferiority because they are different. Everyone is different. That is the true beauty of creation of God. None of creatures by God is same. How could I teach them that it is good thing to be different? I found out myself that I have felt lonely or left out often. I did not realize that I miss my Korean friends honestly. I was aware of that I miss my family and friends generally. However, I have thought for last night and today that I might miss my Korean friends like Christine does. Hmmm....Maybe I have not been honest to my feeling lately. I am going to pray and ask Him for His wisdom and healing if there are any hurting or pain among us because we are different.

Happy birthday, Joanne~!

When I found out that I got pregnant with Joanne, I was not happy. I was ready to go back to my doctoral program after two years of break with my Christine. I confessed my un-grateful heart about the baby and accepted the gift, Joanne. It was harder with so many ways than Christine's time. Because Jason was taking full time classes, working at school and it led us limited in several ways, especially financially. I could not eat well with Joanne somehow and could not afford to buy special food for my craving either. So, I had to keep my craving down with ramen noodles for all most everyday. I do remember still. However, I went to the dawn prayer service at the Korean UMC every morning. Somehow, I was not sad or depressed because of lack of many things but instead I was very content. Especially, when I had Joanne at the hospital, I was very grateful. My mom could not come to help me out because of my dad who was seriously ill when I had the baby. So Jason had to take care of Christine while I was in labor. Amazingly, I was not sad at all even though people were pity on me. I stayed all evening by myself at the hospital and even took epidural. Nurses and doctor kept asking that if I had any family or friends to be with at least for the epidural but I told them about my situation. I gave q quick call to home when I was ready to have Joanne, and there were Christine in a stroller still not sleeping and Jason. Christine finally fell a sleep right beside me while the baby was delivered. The baby was beyond cute and solid! even as an infant! She even did not cry much and just ready to live her new life in the world. That is Joanne. Joanne is full of confidence always from the beginning, and stubborn. Because of her character, she has given us more challenge than Christine. However, she gives full of energy and love for sure. She became seven years old today. I had a moment to look her older pictures and felt sorry that I could not give my full attention to her when she was younger. I was too busy to give her my all attention. I had to be a full time doctoral student, teaching undergraduate class, and working as a music director at church. I hope my girls can understand their mommy's heart sometimes. Beyond all of those things, I always give big thanks to the Lord for His endless blessings with my girls. They are truly the blessed presents from Him. I kneel before Him to lift them up to the Lord everyday.

Happy Valentine!

Happy Valentine!
Wishing you all are surrounded by love, joy, and peace especially from above!!

Grace

Lately I have been enjoying reading a book "What's so Amazing about Grace?" by Philip Yancey. I read the book in Korean a long time ago but I have surprised how different it is in English. Also, I have been amazed how Philip Yancey wrote so lively in expression in every single words he used. I wish I can have that talent! However, I have to keep my dictionary nearby because there are tons of words which I do not know. He certainly used many colorful and unusual vocabularies. Even though it has taken more than easy books to finish reading even for one chapter, I really have enjoyed reading it every day.

The book has been leading me in deep thoughts that I have been struggling to find "answer" lately. I truly agree many many ways in this book, and it has made me many times of crying while I am reading the book. I was longing for answers for how I can be the best but the most humble person, how I can be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, but not judgemental? How can I be compassionate like Jesus, but not spoiling people. How can I be hopeful in Him but not too dreamy? And how can our lives are so unfair?

I have known the answer for the last question but I have keep forgetting about it. Unfairness comes from comparison. Every complaint I have got so far is from feeling unfair which is from somewhat comparison. I had to confess my impudentness to the Lord when I was reading about the ownership of Grace. If I start talking about fairness, I must have misunderstood what the life I have got right now. I did not get fairness but grace! Why am I forgetting so often about it? I don't have a right to complain about what God does with other people because I already got "His Grace".

I haven't finished reading this book yet but I will try to read carefully and think deeply how amazing about God's grace page by page.

In Memory of My Dad

Today is my dad's memorial day. He passed away six years ago. I can't believe that how long it has been. I can't express how much I miss him. I could not be with him when he left to heaven. In Korean custom, it is one of impiety ways to parents that a child misses the moment when parents pass away. Unfortunately, I was one of them. I could go earlier to see him in Korea but he told me on the phone not to come yet two days before he left. I was worried and even changed my ticket to Tuesday from Thursday, however, he passed away on Monday. Somehow, I believe that he did not want me to see him leaving. However, I regretted for a long time that I should have gone earlier to say bye to him. I could not mourn loudly enough at that time because of my young children. However, whenever I misses him, I could not stop crying still. I was very blessed to have both wonderful mom and dad. Even though my dad never liked me to study music, he was the closest, and best friend. I miss his laughter most and endless talking. I learned a lot from him how to live and enjoy "life" ;even a taste of one small cheese, one moment of fresh wind, smell of green grass, looking after people's pain and so on. I miss his wisdom and deep observation for people's lives. I do need them most right now.

On the other hand, it was a miracle that he became a christian. He had so much knowledge and questions about the bible and God that many people doubted that he would accept Jesus. However, he did accept Jesus as his Savior. Even though it took more than 15 years of waiting and praying, the faithful God answered our prayers. I am sure my dad is enjoying where he is now. Aren't you dad?

Welcome February!

I love February even though I actually love every month. When I was in young age, February meant "preparation for the new semester". In Korea, the school semester begins from March like September in the State. We had a long winter break from a middle of December to beginning of February, and had another break one week after until March 1st. March 2nd is still the first day of any school. So, during the break right before March, we went to department stores to get new note books, pencils, backpacks and so on. The weather is still bitter in February but we can smell coming of Spring once in a while in the air, and pile of snow started melting with sunshine in February. My hearts used to be pounding for exciting for the coming month and season. After I got married to my husband and had my second child, Joanne, February came to me differently. Both of their birthdays are in this month as a day apart. Also, we usually settle down in February fever after Holiday and a New year. Most of all, Lent usually starts in February. It is not exciting to starting "Lent" itself but somehow, I enjoy being in Lenten. I usually kneel more often, and read more the word. Even though it is not easy to joining to the journey of Christ, it gives me extraordinary peace and strength.

In Roman calendar, February was the last month of the calendar and was from "purification" festival. I don't know in details what they did for purification but I want to purify more in this month to walk with Jesus for the journey every day.

Jehoshaphat

I don't remember when we started reading our bible in the sanctuary last year. I think it was in the fall. We are now in the middle of 2 Chronicles. Reading bible loudly has been helping me in many ways. Mostly, I enjoy so much especially prayers of prophets, great kings like David. I read from chapter 20 to 22 this morning. In chapter 20, I was stunned by the scene of a prayer. Most time when I read the bible, scenes are alive like watching movie right now. It happened this morning too. I could see Jehoshaphat and people kneeling down in front of God asking mercy. When Jehoshaphat heard that a vast army is coming to fight with them, he did not prepare the war at all. Instead, he did kneel down and told all the people even children and women to do same with him in front of God. Most amazing thing was Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing the Lord and to praise Him for the splendor of his Holiness with " Give Thanks to the Lord for His love endures forever!" The Lord set ambushes again the men of Ammon and Moab and all of them were killed by Him when they gave thanks to the Lord. Jehoshaphat truly knew who is the Lord of lords, the King of kings. Even though he was not perfect, made a mistake, I learned from Jehoshaphat's prayers how to defeat my fears and worries through prayer and praise. I bowed down with my face to the floor and raised my hands like Jehoshaphat this morning with my thanksgiving for His love endures forever. What a blessing that I am allowed to this to the Lord!

Being a excellent conductor

I have been conducting since I was a fresh man in college. I conducted some before but did start at my fresh man year at my church choir small group. The group was called "Royally" that we visited one of big hospital next to our church in downtown Seoul every Sunday morning from 8:00 for an hour. We sang hymns in every other floor at a center of each floor. (It had fourteen floor) Sometimes, people asked us to visit their rooms. We sang and prayed with them. I was not volunteered to direct but somehow I became a director of the group. I truly enjoyed it and never missed one single Sunday for three years. At the end of second year, I mostly memorized people's favorite hymns. I had to pass to someone at the third year; that was a rule. We took turns. I simply gave a first note for four parts and start waving my arms. I thought that is conducting. As I studied more and more, I found out that conducting is not waving arms with tempo or meter at all. Especially, after I started taking classes of conducting, I honestly regretted many times why I changed my major to conducting. I cried countless days and nights because of difficulties. First of all, I have to know what I want so clearly about the music. For that stage, I have to study, analyze, interpret, and add my own musical opinion. I had to read a number of books for a one music sometimes. Reading takes for ever for me because I have to look up a dictionaries. It still does. I enjoy analyzing music but getting my own opinion was the worst one. There must be reasons why I want that music that way. Sometimes, I don't know what I want. From my background of education in Korea, we did not have our own opinion. We just needed to accept what teachers told us as 'truth". Sadly, if we had questions or own opinion, we had to be quiet and obeyed. So, that part was the hardiest part for me getting my own thoughts. Secondly, a conductor should deliver clearly to singers and players what the conductor wants. It is the worst nightmare. It is still my weakest part. One of reasons is a language. I am not a good English speaker. I cried every single afternoon for couple of years in the second floor music library at very corner after a conducting class. I felt so dumb and hopeless. However, my teachers helped and supported me a lot. One of teachers told me "you don't have to speak or talk too much for details. Just let them watch you and you show them with your conducting". I had to practice hours of speaking in front of choirs, practiced in front of mirrors with my techniques and words. All those painful and tearful times were not wasted one bit for sure. Funny thing was even though it was truly not easy, but I enjoyed most when I conducted. Frankly, I still cry a lot after rehearsals.
Lately, I joined a choir, I Cantori in Savannah. It is a small chamber community choir group. The choir group is invited from Hilton Head Symphony to sing one of my favorite mass with them tomorrow and Monday. Mozart's C minor Mass. It was one of my twelve pieces for my oral qualifying exam too. When I saw the conductor at Hilton Head Symphony orchestra, I thought about myself a lot. What makes a good conductor? Majority of great conductors in centuries has been charismatic people for sure. Many people said meaner ones make better music. However, I found out that it is not true. The meaner ones could make better music but not inspiring music. I have met many conductors who make people totally awesome and inspired. Most of them were very humble and modest. They politely asked players and singers to join them to make beautiful music.
I want to be a excellent conductor. I want to make people get inspired by my music, want to lead the choirs and orchestra with respect and love. At most, I want to be humble because I am just an instrument of the Lord. I want to give my best to the Lord and share with people. I don't want to be an "okay" conductor. I want to be an "excellent" one not only to people but most of all to my God.

P& P Ministries

After I heard Rev. Bill's sermon yesterday, I have thought about my calling from the Lord. I could call "P& P ministries". Praise and Prayer ministries. Especially, I am called for P& P ministries for sure at least at my church.
Lately, we have been focusing, at least myself, about how to live as a real active Christian. As I shared from last article, I have thought about how to be a living Christian who is active, quickly response to what the Lord says. As I walked with the prayer walk team this morning, lots of thoughts occurred in my head. First word came to me was"awake." It is related to also "active". How can I be awake in the Spirit always? How can I make people awake in the Spirit? If we are awake in the Spirit, we must have been responding to what the Lord says immediately. It is one of my resolutions. "Respond immediately! and don't postpone!" First thing First! Our priority can be made by ourselves. I myself, make lots of excuses about late responses from the Lord. I know all is from my decision of making priority. There is anyone to blame or make an excuse. It is all from my decision even though it looks not. Especially, Praise and prayers are from our decision. There is no excuse that someone or some circumstances make ourselves not to praise and pray. It is bitter but still true factor.
I had a moment to think about "quitting" the prayer walk with lack of responses from people. People said it was too early morning, so I moved to the afternoon. And they said it is too middle of a day to come to church. Before I decided to quit the prayer walk, I looked for any word in the bible "stop pray". I could not find one. So, I decided to keep doing it whether people will come or not. Also, I moved the time back to early morning. Praise and Prayer have a same requirement. "Commitment". Also P& P come from "lots of practice" and "discipline". If you do more, you will be better at. Like Hank's sermon, lots of people look for "being comfortable" as Christians. However, I think being a christian means I am giving up being comfortable in this world. My mom always tells me "comfortable life can destroy our life in Christ". She got through so much difficult time in her life but she told me that she could go nearer to the Lord because of the difficulties. I don't know yet how to share my vision and invite people to join me in P& P ministries. However, I will pray more for the ministries and people. I do remember that God kept Holy people for Elijah. I will pray to look for the people. I will pray for soften their hearts and open their eyes when they drive by our church that they think about at least once about God and themselves. Life will be better when we are active in Him.

The living life

Have you thought about "living life?" We live on earth. People live. One of cartoon characters in children's movie lately said " I don't want to survive but I wan to live." How can we tell we are living now. We could survive or just pass every day life so easily without thinking. A meaning of living must have been something different than just existing. Living means that moving, active, and inter-active one another. On Monday I had to go to have ultra sound in Savannah. While I was waiting, I read a wonderful story from a magazine in a waiting area. The story was about one middle aged woman in country side of India. She did not have any medical training or degree but has been helping women and babies as well as children in a small village for more than a decade. She does have only one blood pressure pump and scale, that is all. However, she has delivered 522 babies with 100 % successful delivery with healthy babies. She visits people, most of women in the village twice a day, checking their blood pressure, having pelvic exams, and hearing their stories. She even had leprosy when she was young. If she finds a dangerous case of pregnant woman, she helps them to go to a hospital immediately. She does not get paid a lot but does help a numerous women who mostly are neglected, and abused by their husbands and families. As I read the story, I asked myself many questions about how to live as living life as a good Christian. She even was not a Christian at all but she said she will help with her best, love, and warm hearts. She certainly has compassion. She is certainly living"living life".
We all agree and believe that our God is the Living God but we limits Him in certain areas. He might be the living God in only our sunday services. We don't want to see or agree how He is the living God. We may be afraid of to see the living God's actions really.
I want to live a really living life. Only way I can live a living life is "live in the living God".
I know it sounds a little bit strange but I do want to live in Him always.

Happy New Year!

It has been one of busiest Holiday season in my life. From right before Thanksgiving to right now second day of the new year I haven't had much time for myself. However, I am so thankful for the deep peace from the Lordthroughout those busy schedules.

I haven't thought about any resolutions for 2009 yet. However, one thing for sure is to be nearer to the Lord. I will try my best to pray and praise more with all my heart.

Let's have a Blessed New Year!! and be nearer to the Lord!