Precious Gift

I have been very busy and tired for more than three weeks due to moving, work, illness, and insomnia. I haven't slept more than five hour for three weeks. I have tried all kinds of teas and methods, but my mind has been so alert because there are tons of works to think about and to do.
I woke up again at 3:30 this morning and heard a voice "What are you preparing for me?" I was thinking about a service of Lessons and Carols this Sunday how to make those transitions between choirs smooth and not so busy. I made posters to put up among stores in town, and a bulletin and have been working on making power point. However, I have missing "what for?" part, the most important part. When I heard the voice, I immediately confessed my mistakes that I have been only thinking how to do everything well. Also, I have been thinking what to buy Christmas gifts for my kids, family, or friends. I haven't thought about what to give to the one whose birthday is.
Our Lord does not need anything-merchandise, because He has everything and is the source of everything. However, He always be pleased with our well prepared hearts to Him.
I want to give my best music as my gift to Him. I want to make Him pleased and happy!
Let's focus to the Lord. He is the One!

To be mold.

Finally, I signed a contract to buy a house last Wednesday. People said "Congratulations" whenever I told them " I bought a house". However, I didn't feel excited or happiness like a child who got a Christmas gift from Santa. I tried to find out why I did not feel that way. As I mentioned earlier in my note, my husband and I gave up the house while we were waiting for the closing. There were lots of thoughts and reasons. The most important reason was that neither of us had prayed seriously about it or had God's answer. I did not intentionally want to pray about buying a house after we decided to not to buy the house. However, I have started praying more everyday after I read the bible in the Sanctuary. I didn't pray for my house at all. I have praised the Lord how faithful He is and prayed for our church, ministries, and friends. One different matter between those times was my faith about the Lord. I trusted Him 100% in my head. However, while I was praying, my faith became the truth. The Lord led me to remember how faithful He has been in my life and to remember how wonderful Father He is and to realize He is the Lord. I said always "He is Faithful" and I do believe the truth but I still was worried about my husband's job, or my kids' futures and so on. But the prayer made me to be "worryless". Time to time, I worry. However, it is not "real" worries anymore to me because whatever He leads in front of me, the way is the right way whether the way is rough, or smooth. Some people say God's way is always smooth. I don't agree with the theory. His way is not always smooth physically. However, His way brings always His deep "peace". That was missing at the first time. I led the Lord to make me buy a house. However, I gave up totally not only physical stage of buying a house, but also the leadership.

I have been a fast runner and leader always. I can't stand someone who acts slowly, I can't stand being late, and I can't stand injustice. So, Those have been always problems for me because I act immediately not praying or asking God immediately.

That is why the praying time has been the most important time for me in my life to let everything go to the Lord. God is still working on me to be molded. And I am very happy and grateful about that even though to be mold is painful. Also, I give thanks to the Lord that He always waits for me to come back standing behind Him not in front of Him. He could just let me go any where I wanted to walk or run. However, He doesn't give up on me. I am just thankful that I have my Father who are merciful and faithful. "Lord, my Father, I love You so much!!"

Differences

It has been very busy since I visited Bloomington to attend Dr. Dunn's memorial service for a weekend. I felt "home" in Bloomington always because I lived for more than a decade there and still have many friends there. While I was staying there, I have thought a lot in several things. One of my friends asked me what I have missed most about Bloomington. I said "friends" and "diversity". Bloomington is a such an unique place among even in mid-west. Because there are tons of students who are from all over the world and states, people are open and so called "liberal" which I don't want to choose to term. However, I can't say which way is better. I just got used to being in that society. That is all. Like my kids at the elementary school in Bloomington, more than half of class mates were from all over the world. On the contrary, in here, we hardly find a child like my kids, Asian even though they don't think they are different. It was very hard for my kids to adjust for a year at their school.
Anyway, because of the diversity, people in Bloomington accept easily differences in many ways. For example, they invite totally stranger into their Thanksgiving dinner. I know it sounds strange but IU international center arranges BWF(Bloomington Worldwide friendship) invites international students into their homes. I was one of them in my very first year. After the first year, I started having lots of American friends so, I had to run three or four dinners on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I became spoiled being an international student, I guess.
Also, people hear other people's different philosophy, idioms, opinions, and so on which I found out not easy in my new town. They have tons of meetings in every place to discuss matters. Especially in church, you name it! there are the meetings and the meetings could be long for two or three hours seriously. They talk and talk and listen and listen. I just was amazed how people share their thoughts so easily and how different their thoughts were. I frankly was bored most of time but enjoyed to see how they got into a one "solution".
I have thought about those "differences" lately. I can't say which way is good or bad. But I have learned that I should accept "differences" in many ways as differences themselves. God makes us different totally. As I know Him, He is the one who enjoys most "differences". However, as a human being, I have a tendency to start judging or putting them in my ruler to find out which one is good or bad. I need to be alert to find out which is evil or not but I don't have a right to judge. God does have the right. I pray that I have an open heart to accept different life styles, thoughts, and cultures like among family members even though other people don't see me that way. I know it is a big task and needs to be discipline in some ways but I do want to be like Jesus who never fears to accept differences in front of people with His whole heart, not only showing but really accepting. Jesus, please help me to have your heart!

Countless blessings

I truly can't count blessings from the Lord. Especially, He has led me to meet so many good people through my life. First of all, I have loving, mature, and faithful parents. Also, loving husband. There are so many friends even I couldn't list names because they are so many. God especially has blesses me to have wonderful mentors and teachers throughout my life at Indiana University. One of them passed away unexpectedly last Sunday night. Dr. Thomas Dunn. (a man at right side of the picture)
He was a great musician, maestro, teacher, mentor, and warm hearted friend. I met him when I was in the first year of master's degree as a conducting student. I was a singer, and voice student for more than 12 years, so I didn't have much knowledge of choral literature even though I conducted and sang at the choirs. I remembered the first day of choral literature seminar class. I could not understand what Dr. Dunn was saying. I cried at the second floor corner in the music library almost every day. I finally brought a tape recorder to record his class and dictated what he thought. Later on, I found out there were many many funny jokes which I didn't even smiles at because I couldn't understand at that time.

Even though he became ill and used wheel chair, he came out for every single my dress rehearsals and concerts and even in my farewell party at night.

I have felt so bad that I did not contact him after I moved down. So, I decided to go for his memorial service during this weekend. It will be not easy for many people because of my absence but I think I will regret if I don't go there at least to show my respect and love to him.

In old people say in Korea, "do your best and show and express your love whoever with you". I agree with it. We don't know when God calls us home. I will tell more often to people around me how much I love them. I love you all so much!! I am blessed because of you all.

God's hand

A few days ago in the morning, I found this sky in front of my house.
I was on the way to drop my kids to their school. It seemed like God's hand.
I praised the beauty of His works!

It is a true privilege.

It is a true privilege that we can pray to the Lord not only for myself but also for others. What if there is no prayer in the world? Can you imagine? One of my old friends asked honestly whether I believe that God answers my prayers whenever I pray or not. I frankly could not answer her question clearly at that time because I sometimes prayed without 100% sure about the answer due to some concerns. However, I could tell her now that I believe that God answers and hears me every time. It is just matter of what kind of answers He gives.
I remembered one of readings about prayers that God never says no. However, His yes could be different than our yes. That is the difference.
No matter what answers He could give to me, I am now 100% sure about His endless love toward us and His faithfulness. That is why I pray.
Lately, I enjoy so much reading bible and praying out loud in the Sanctuary every day. I think He also enjoys hearing me. What an honor!!
Also, I really enjoy praying with the chancel choir holding each pew after the rehearsal. What a blessing to have brothers and sisters in Jesus that we can pray together for same thing!
I am just truly blessed! I give thanks to the Lord for this chance that I could be a part of His works. I am just so honored.

He deserves my Best.

While I was driving to the work this morning, it occurred to me suddenly. " God deserves our best." I don't remember why I started thinking that but it just got me in thinking.

I said "my life is not mine, but His." then, I should live my best.

Also, what I do, I should do my best, especially when we worship. Due to giving my best to Him, I should do prepare my best in rehearsals tonight with the choirs. He deserves the best out of our talents.

I will do my best today whether it doesn't matter how it goes but I will do my best.

He is the Lord.

The Blessing

May the Lord bless you and cause His face to Shine on you.

May you be strong like a tree planted by water, with God as your source, displaying His splendor.

In Jesus' name, May you be fruitful in finances and relationships, and may the work of your hands prosper.

Having all that you need, May you abound in every good work and be favored of the Lord forever. Amen

The Power of Prayer

Someone shared with me that prayer is a breath to live as a child of God. If we don't take a breath, we must have died no matter what. However, we do not realize with "prayer". Like God's word could be our food, prayer is the most important one to be alive. If we don't pray and still alive, we are not alive really. I have thought about why we don't pray even though we know prayer is essential. First of all, I can blame "Spiritual warfare". It is true. All kinds of things make us not to pray, especially, comfortable life style. My mom always tells me that comfortable, convenient life would kill people. It leads people not to worry and not to pray. I could tell you that my mom did not have much "comfortable life" throughout but she has been a warrior who won the battles all the time. She does not miss to attend the dawn services early morning throughout the years. I remembered that she said "praise the Lord! He blesses us to pray more!" when we had the most difficult time in our family. She never been down. The economy has become the most fearful monster lately in the world. On the other hand, we can translate with my mom's version as "it is time to pray". If we are only worried about the economy and not to pray about it, it could be more fearful. We know the King of kings is our Jesus! Then, we just simply pray to Him. What can we do more?

Let's get up from in front of TV news! but kneel down and lift our worries to the King. He is the King. You know that.

Welcome October!

Times flies. October is here now!

I know... it is still warm and humid in Richmond Hill and no where those beautiful colored tress.

However, I am dreaming of those beautiful colored tress near a lake in Indiana.

I could smell those crispy clean dried weather too.

Let's pray more in October. I love October.

Welcome October!!

Withdrawing

Jason and I decided not to buy the house. It has been more than two months to look and wait to get the house but it has been postponed for the closing. We tried to understand what all this about and finally decided to withdraw the offer.

It was not easy to make our mind to buy the house at the first time but I can tell you that it was harder to turn down it. I was the one who loves the house. I even bought a curtain for the formal dinning room already. However, God gave us time to think more "realistically" and to change our mind. I know... it would be wonderful to have our first home with a big huge yard. I wish I could buy it.

However, I trust my God that He will give us a perfect one when we need it, not right now.

Anyway, it was a great experience too. Now, I know how to buy a house exactly. Please pray for the smooth ending process of this case. We might be asked to pay for certain parts even though it all came from the seller's faults.

Looking back for a year of my life.

It has been one year since my kids and I moved down to Richmond Hill. I had a moment to look back my first year. I could tell you that it wasn't easy at all. Some people say "you work for the music. just music". Well.... just music! I can not explain if you think it is just music. I choose an anthem, and hymns for sundays basically but also, prepare rehearsals for the chancel choir with 6-7 songs for every Wednesday night, 2-3 songs for the youth handbell, children's choir, the youth choir, the adult handbell, and youth ensemble. It is not easy to find "just music". I have to listen, play, sing, and related to seasonal, or scriptures of that week. There are tons of music in our world. Some are not very good. So, I spend lots of times to find out which ones are good and suitable for our choirs. I have found many regretful things that I did not do well but also, I found some good things too. One of regretful things is not having enough prayer time. If I don't pray, my music most of time doesn't work if you believe or not. So, I will pray more and more for God's presence through our music ministries.
Also, I still don't have many friends. I have tried hard but people don't open their hearts like my friends from Indiana. I will try harder this year to open first and invite people more in my life. Who knows? I will say I made many good friends next year in second year anniversary?

Life is not easy. no. However, beyond all that, God is with me with His endless love. I should remember that.

Wishing for getting away

I did not go any vacation since a summer in 2007. I think I need a good break, a real break; no one bothers me, or ask me to fix their breakfast, lunch, & dinner and I just sit and watch the waves endlessly and breath and smell salty ocean.
I have been stress out lately with my work and getting a house. I want to get away somewhere to refresh myself. I need to have some real time off.
How can it happen?

Let's breath in and breath out and move on, Yoon!

My dad.

I miss my dad and mom deeply lately. I haven't seen my mom for more than two years. She came often to help me out with my girls when they were little after my dad passed away. However, the previous visit was bitter for her. She got seriously ill and the doctors diagnosed her wrong and almost killed her. I don't blame her to be afraid of coming here to see us.
I grew up as only daughter even though I have my older brother. I think I was pretty spoiled because my mom even fed me until I got married. She cooked, cleaned, and took care of me like a child. In Korea, we live with our parents until we get married. It is common really. However, I didn't cook or help my mom everyday. I was just a loved girl at home. I loved to being with my parents so, I came home quickly after the school even during the college years. I was totally a daddy's girl. My dad loved to talk. He had enormous stories to share with me and my mom always. We talked and talked a lot. Whenever I talked, he laughed always. I don't know what made him laugh but he laughed a lot to me. I could see those laughs from my husband toward my girls now. We held hands a lot too. My dad had the most smooth hands ever as a man. He was a scholar so, he didn't do much work at outside. No...he never worked outside as I remembered. He usually wrote books, read, or prepared lectures. Or..watching dramas with tears. He had also the most sweet heart. He cried a lot with other people's pain. I remembered that my mom never cried because of drama from TV but my dad always. My parents were best friends each other. They always got up early and talked. Whenever we went on vacation, they walked very early morning with holding hands and talked endlessly. I could understand how much my mom misses my dad as a company. I have felt very blessed to have good parents who had deep and opened mind and insight. They let me dream unlimited. Oh... how much I miss them. I see my dad sometimes in my dream. He was sick for more than ten years last period of his life but I could tell that he loved this world so much. He enjoyed every single tree, flower, green grass, sky, a sip of wine with tasty bread, and life of variety people. I wish he still lives in the earth with me. I know that he must have been very proud of me right now. However, I am very thankful that I had my dad. I miss his laughs so much today.

Korean Thanksgiving Day

The Korean Thanksgiving Day is next Sunday, Sept.14th this year. It is called "Chu-seok" or "Hangawee". You might know "Harvest Moon festival". It is one of biggiest holidays in Korea. the date is depended on when August 15th in the moon calendar each year. That day has a full moon and we call the harvest moon. We all take off three days as a holiday. However, people take more than three days because of the traffic. Most people go home to see their family members. So, the traffic is unbelievable. People get together have a ceremony to show their thankful hearts to their ancestors or Christians' family have services with their families in the morning. And have feasts with new crops of food. Hmmm..... delicious food. Especially, at Chu-seok we make "Song-pean" -the first picture. It is made up of sweet rice powder and sesame and honey or all kinds of goodies are inside of the rice cake. Also, we wear new clothes! we call "Chu-seok-bim". Some people like to wear the traditional Korean "Hanbok" that day too. At night, people gather outside where they can see the harvest moon, and sing songs, and dance originally.

In my family, my dad was the first son in his family, so, all his side families came to our home at Chu-seok. He had two brothers, and five sisters. Think about how many people would be with their spouses and kids!! So, the preparation for the chuseok was started a week ahead of time. I remember that my mom and aunts got together three days before the day to cook and prepare the feast. Luckily, I never had bad memories about any traffic because we lived in Seoul and they came to us. ^^ I had to get up extra early to help my mom to clean up and set the tables for the big ceremony. When my grandma was alive and Buddhist, we used to have the ceremony to give big bows to the ancestors as you can see the first picture. After my grandma became a christian, we didn't have the ceremony but we had a service around the table instead. I had to baby sit some my little cousins but still loved the Chu-seok.

I haven't been at the Chu-seok for 12 years. However, I have made "Song pean" every year believe or not. I am not sure I can make it this year. I have to go buy special ingredients for it. Most of all, I miss being with many family members. Endless smiling, chatting, and of course food. I could still smell the morning of the Chu-seok at my parents' house. Abundant smells of Sweet, delicious, and full of excitement! But, most of all, our thankful hearts!!

Which party are you in ?

People say don't talk about politics or religion with your friends unless you don't want to be a friend anymore with that person. I agree totally. But, I want to talk about politics today. Lately, two national party conventions have got people's attention. It is very interesting to hear and see how people think and react to each other as a third person.
I am a very conservative person as well as very liberal literally. If you search for both words; conservative and liberal, you never know how the words have been used in real meaning in States lately. I couldn't tell why the meanings are so different from the dictionaries. However, I meant I am conservative and liberal due to the meanings from the dictionary. I have yearned and prayed for being a good Christian who follows Jesus well to love another. I think it is very very hard to live with open-hearted but not negotiate with evil or covered evil things. It is hard to distinguish which one is good or bad in countless circumstance. How can I know? How? Only answer I could get is "Live like Jesus". Jesus was totally a great model to think about. Then, how? I don't know honestly. I do know that I follow His directions and ask Him to give me His Spirit to guide me as well as me to obey completely.
So, If you ask me which party I am in, I would say party of "Jesus". Do you want to be in?

Welcome, September!

We are in already September! Because of my 12 years of being student in the U.S., September meant "New semester". I know some people living in Bloomington might not agree with me but I loved the first week of a semester. It was totally unpredictable, energetic, and of course chaotic. Hmmm.... I miss so much being there with the youth full of energy and in-matured Spirits. Also, the weather starts to change with cool and crispy breeze in the early morning and night. I used to attend "dawn prayer" meeting in a Korean church and remember so clearly fresh air with sun-rising sky around 6:00 in the morning. Oh~! how much I miss.
People might think of me as "workaholic" but I truly miss being so busy with full schedules for studying, working, kids, and church. I couldn't even get to eat or sleep. I used to wake up at 3:30 at night to catch up stuff to read for the classes. However, I don't want to go back honestly, even though I miss terribly. One thing I really miss is "yearning for the Lord". Even though I couldn't sleep more than five hours, I went to the prayer meeting everyday with full of expectation what God would lead me everyday. Expectation with excitement with the Lord is missing lately in my life.
I do really want to renew myself with the Lord in September! I pray that my dreams and visions in the Lord will restore vividly.

I am nothing without You, Lord!

It is not easy to deny myself. It is not easy to admit and surrender completely my ownership to the Lord. I say it often very often but not completely.

As I shared previously, I am facing filing major things in my life lately. Both requires not only complicated paper works but also financial issue. If you see how much the US government requires for application fee and other stuff, you will be very surprised. I am not complaining but honestly worried how I am going to get through this part without hesitations.

My daily calendar has everyday God's word and today's word is " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I don't think it is coincident to have the word. If I surrender everything to Him, I must have not been worried. Right?

I am confessing again " Lord, I am nothing without You! I surrender all to You. "

Learning from having a dog

I have learned a lot how God, our heavenly Father, would feel since I have my two girls. I have more felt His hearts toward His children as a parent truly more.

I also have been learning how stubborn and dumb I am through my dog, Angie's behavior lately.

Angie knows that she will choke badly if she drags herself the end of the leash but she keeps doing it. Also, she knows that she will be in a big trouble if she eats bad things, but she eats anyway.

I hope I am wise and disciplined so I can stop when God tells me to stop. Honestly, I can hear Him most of times saying "Yoon, stop it! it is not helping you at all.'' I do anyway and regret. How dumb I am!

Well.... Beyond all these, there are Grace and Mercy from the Father. That is why I am still alive.

Cravings

Always...it happens.

Whenever I am stressed out something, I want to eat 'junk food'. The craving goes sometimes irresistibly bad. I had that craving again this morning for McDonald's breakfast sandwich with a iced coffee. I drove to the church but couldn't stop thinking about it and went out again to get the thing. I know it is not good for me but I had to have it this morning. It reminded me "evil desire" from yesterday scripture. Of course, I confessed.

On the other hand, I have thought about my real craving after I finished the sandwich. I might have craved for "soul food" not "junk food". Even though I finished the thing, I have felt still empty. It is definitely not for the food, but something for my Spirit.

I should have been able to distinguish which one I crave for. I think I knew it was not for the food but I ignored. I need to obey to Holy Spirit whenever it happens. I knew better. However, I am thankful that God reminds me always what I should do. I need to kneel again to confess that I am nothing without You, Lord.

Evil desire.

but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
(James 1:14-15, NIV)

Well,...I am not talking about really evil desire such as stealing, lying, or adulteries. I am trying to talking about what can be my evil desire which makes me tempted, dragged away and enticed. I had a moment this morning which made me upset and sad. It was dragged me away and enticed for a while. However, I heard clear God's voice that it was from my evil desire! So, I confessed my evil desire and decided to stop to think about it. Instead, God reminded me how God has been faithful to me and my family. He literally said to me " Have I ever steered you wrong?". No, Lord.
It is very hard to understand why someone gets better teachers than my kids'. And when I heard that some kids who have many connections in the school got into the same class with a good teacher, I felt so powerless and angry. My first reaction was betrayed, unfairness, and angry. However, none of them was not from God, I knew. 'How do you know, that teacher is the best for your child, Yoon? Tell me? I heard your prayers and I know better than anybody else, Yoon. Why did you compare to other people again?'. But, Lord, I felt so...unfair still. I confessed that I am just a typical mom who wants her kids to have the best. And God reminded me again that He is a typical Father, who gives His children best. I should have recognized sooner!! I lifted my hands again to the Lord today that I am nothing totally without Him. I am just a saved sinner by His mercy and grace.

Here is our new family member, Angie!

Here is our new family member, Angie!
We adopted her from Save a life. She is 5 month old, wired hair terrier mixed. She is already house trained, and crate trained. She has learned four tricks already after adopted!

Decision, Decision!!

Two of very important things in my life have been processing at the same time lately. That was why I haven't been able to write often. We are buying a house. Well.... I know, most people has their houses. I haven't. We lived a humble apartment on campus for 12 years as students. The apartment covered all utilities and basic cable TV and most, was on campus. So, we didn't have to worry anything. If you remember how it was for you to buy the first one, you might understand me. We were looking for one for several months through web site, visiting, and driving by. We like to stay near kids' school so, we limited the subdivision to choose. Anyway, I signed a contract last night. And there are tons of paper works to fill for the mortgage company. Another one is filling for green card application. This one is more complicated and annoying too. I know there are many people cheat their histories, documents to get the green cards. So, the department became ridiculously strict. I don't blame them. However, I am well educated, honest, and pretty nice. They will not regret to give me one for sure.

Both two major things have made me think more seriously about "trust" and "listening" to the Lord. Honestly, I couldn't hear Him saying "that is your house, Yoon, go get it!". However, I have had a deep peace when I entered the house. I still need to go through the process to get the house as well as the green card. However, I believe whether I will get them or not, I am 100% sure that my God is faithful and gives me best. He has been. I just need to remember!! So, I lift my hands to praise and show Him that I am not mine. I am Yours!!

Friends from IU

I love friends. I have been blessed that having many friends wherever I go. Especially, I had blast time at IU. I know that it took longer than I thought with having two kids in the middle of my degree. However, I have had most wonderful time with young friends. Most of them were ten years younger than me. Most of them from same department became "professors" at colleges now. None of them hasn't had a baby yet. I can't wait to see them have one. I told them when they have first their baby and realize "real world", please think about me and call me.
I have missed the friends so much. I want simply to sit down and chat with cup of coffee and being silly. I am not sure they consider me as their friends or not, but I think about them as my friends. Good friends. We used to get together during holidays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas to share love as friends and family.
This right picture is the last picture at my farewell party. My teachers even joined us.
Friends! I miss y'all so much! Visit me anytime! I will feed you and make you feel "home".

Rest

After the VBS, I decided to have some time off for a few days. However, it is hard to have some quite time with two lively girls at home. I am a hard worker. I love to work and study. one of reasons that I get bored and depressed is "being lazy". I can't stand "non-motivate life". I used to go to swim with my girls all most everyday in the afternoon during summer. And I studied at the library during the day. That was my more than ten years summer at Indiana. So, it is very hard for me with new summer schedule. I love to work but there are not many activities in the afternoon in here. One thing for sure is short of public facilities in here. It makes me sad and depressed. I shouldn't complain but I still miss something in my life lately. I need to have more close friends who love to hang out. I miss my friends badly. I don't usually watch TV a lot but I noticed that I have watched more TV. It is not a good sign. I know. I need to have some rest in my soul and Spirit to find some ways to adjust well in new place to be more active. Real rest is in the Lord. " Real restoring" is only from the Lord.

Prayer after the VBS

Today, the VBS is finished! I reviewed with the kids today with eight songs that we have learned for this week. I prayed while we were singing and dancing that "all the children will believe with all their heart, with their soul wherever they go" in their lives. I don't know how they will grow up and where they will be but I prayed that they will believe Jesus as their Savior wherever they go. I wish the songs could stay in their mind for ever.

It was not an easy job to dance and sing with them for a week but it was a great opportunity to pray for the kids. It is a privilege that I can pray for them.

Thank you Lord, You are just so awesome!

Don't be afraid of DEAD ZONE!

I love to watch commercials on TV. Some of them are boring and meaningless which even making people confuse what the commercial is about. However, there are brilliant ones. One of my favorites is "the Verizon wireless". It became famous with " Can you hear me now?". They started use a new one with "dead zone" one lately. It has made me think about "trust and belief" between people and the cell phone. If you see the commercial, there are tons of people behind a cell phone user always. Especially, this dead zone commercial one made me think even "secure life with the Verizon". Even though we can't see those people in our real life while we are using the phone, the cell phone became "security blanket" for people lately. At this dead zone commercial the guy told a person "You are good to go". What a relief! And the last part there is a phrase "Don't be afraid of Dead zone!!"...followed by how much to get the deal with the cell phone.

How about our real trust and belief in the Lord ? We say "our God is Living God" and we believe that He is with us all the time in everywhere. However, I can ask myself that 'do I trust Him as much as I trust the cellphone?' Because we can't see the presence of God physically, I often forget His presence. I can imagine that our God asks " Can you hear me now, Yoon?" and tells me that " You are good to go". And He would say "Don't be afraid of Dead zone! I am here with you everywhere you go!!" AND NO CHARGING!!It's FREE! I don't have to pay one penny to get the coverage!! It is already paid!

VBS!

My church, Richmond Hill UMC, VBS starts tomorrow. It is first time to lead music part with more than 100 kids for me. Have you heard about people said that whoever has been in the church, they always would come back to be Christians? I heard that when I grow up in Korea and I believe that because I did. And many of my families and friends did too. So, I think, it is very important let any people to be at the church with any circumstance. When I was barely four years old, one of my friends who used to live next door, invited me to go with her and her sisters to her church on Christmas eve service. Believe or not, I still remember what I saw, heard, and had that day. I went to the church on next year Easter with them too. I remember the movie about Jesus' life and Easter egg. I was amazed about the colored egg and kept too long until it got spoild. Inviting the children is literally like planting seeds. Because the children's hearts and souls are like empty fields, the seeds grow miraculously. I have prayed that God use our VBS as one of planting seed step to the children. What an amazing opportunity to give hands to help the Farmer Lord!!

Will I rejoice? and be joyful without anything?

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the veins, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. "

I have been asking to myself, "Can I be joyful only in the Lord, my Savior? like a prophet Habakkuk?" Honestly, I am not sure whether I am able to be or not. I have been working on our reality works lately and feeling so down with my real life stuff. However, I determined to praise and command to myself like Habakkuk "yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior!!"

Please, forgive me, Lord.

I know most people already know about this picture of the little brothers. The older one took care of his younger brother and gave up his food for the baby and ended up dead.

I always mention the brothers to my kids whenever they complain about our meals like my mom did when I was young. She usually talked about the time of the Korean war without food and supplies to survive.

Our desires never end. When I have one extra shoes, I want to have third one. When I am content with my meal, I want some more with desserts. More and more... The desires never met the"goal".

Jesus told us to share if we have two pair of shoes. How many shoes I have? How many clothes I have? However, I search for a new one again without any guilty feeling. I confess that I am a self-centered one. Please, forgive me, Lord!!

From, this morning as one small act, I decided to give up my coffee for a while to save that money to help the hungers. $1.77 (Tall coffee) or $3.00 (Tall latte). I know it is not big, but I want to be awake with the fact that there are people who are dying without food. And I want to remind myself how blessed I am. I am blessed totally so, I have a responsibility to share the blessing to the other.

YEAH!! It is Monday!

YEAH! It is Monday!

Whenever I see this triplet's picture, it makes me smile. If you look at their eyes, you can't stand not smiling.

I know, it is Monday again after a long weekend. We need some smile. Right?

Let's have a blessed and joyful new week! YEAH!It is Monday!

Come Thirsty

I woudl like to share some thought from my reading today.

"Deprive your body of water, and your body will tell you. Deprive your soul of spiritual water, and your soul will tell you. Dehydrated hearts send of guilt and fear. You think God wants you to live with these? Hopelessness. Sleeplessness. Loneliness. Resentment. Irritablity. Insecurity. These are warnings. Symptoms of a dryness deep within. Treat your soul as you treat your thirst. Take a gulp. Imbibe moisture. Flood your heart with a good swallow of water. Where do you find water for the soul? "if anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink" (John 7:37)".

I felt sometime numb to my soul's condition totally. I usually found out after several days how much my soul was thirsty. If I can feel thirst of my soul, that is good sign. Because it means I am still alive. I pray that living water from Jesus is running forever in my soul. I am feeling thirsty badly. Let's take a gulp!!

First day of July with Psalm 1st

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruits in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the assenbly of the righteous.
For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

I pray that we are planted by streams of water, which yields its fruits in season and whose leaf does not wither throughout this month. Let's have a blessed new month!

What is your name meaning?

My dad made my name. If you know Korean tradition, we like to keep one of letters in the first name among siblings. We commonly use Chinese letters carefully for good meaning. For example, my brother's name is Yoonsuk, my cousins names are Yoongu, Yoonho, Yoonhyung, Yoonwoo, Yoonsang. I am the only girl in my dad's family as my generation. So, he kept Yoon and added Kyung. Yoon means bright, and shines. Kyung (the letter my dad picked) means capital. so, if you see China's capital name in Chinese, Pei-jing, the jing is same character as my "kyung". It is very unusual to use the letter in a girl's name too. So, my total name means "Shining capital". My dad told me that 'capitals usually are chosen as centered in everything. So, I want you to be a center, the bright and shiny capital among people.' Unfortunately, few people can pronounce correctly my full first name. So, I decided to use only the first letter "Yoon" in easy way. I like my name even though it is hard to be pronounced. Dad, I will try to do my best like my name!! I miss you daddy!

After a week from Lake Junaluska

(The upper picture is a picture of one of loads toward the retreat center of my home church, the lower one is my home church main building. There are eight buildings total)

I wasn't excited or down but I couldn't explain a condition of my heart while I was in Lake Junaluska last week. I am the one who enjoy the nature, people, and of course food. However, beyond the enjoyment, I felt something different in my heart. I was amazed with lots of words which was used in the worship services. Especially, I loved the word "ponder". I already knew what the word meant. However, the word refreshed me to have "pondering heart for the Lord". Also, I remembered how I was pondering always about the Lord when I was a teenager. I used to go to the summer retreat in "Youngnak Dongsan" which is a retreat center of my home church. We had to walk an hour to get there from the bus stop. It was on the top of mountain and there were particular birds sang at nights. I remembered the sound and smell of the place. I couldn't sleep most of times at the retreat and prayed all night. I don't remember what I prayed so hard but my heart was just pondering. I wish I could have the heart again. I wish my youth have similar heart toward the Lord.

15 second!

After our closing worship service, we have fifteen second to take a group picture and we did it beautifully. Aren't we pretty?

Pitures from Lake Junaluska

My husband took many pictures while we were in Lake Junaluska retreat center. The Place was beautiful and lovely.

Breathe in and Breathe out and move on!

The Music and Art week at Lake Junaluska is done. I am very tired phsically and mentally. I have felt more responsible for my youth than any other time. I saw their laugh, worries, and future. I have felt what they have felt. I don't know what I can do except praying for them. Like what Rev. Jody told us...breathe in and breathe out and move on.
Right! I should remember that I can live in God's time, not our time.
Dear my youth, let's breathe together with our Father. He is our breath!!

It is time to stop.

It is fourth day in Lake Junaluska. I am very tired with classes and rehearsals. However, my soul has been in peace. I love the morning service. In every each day, the themes were different. Today was Lent.
I love Rev. Seymore's sermon. He made me think a lot.
I wish I could stop my youth's cell phones. They are on the cell phones between those hours.
I decided that I will collect their phones until everything is done next time for sure.
Other things just disturb totally from God and us. I hope they realize that soon.

However, I love my youth more and am thankful that I can pray for them specifically.

Do you need a hug?

A simple hug can make our heart warm and loved. Let's give a hug around us today.