To be mold.

Finally, I signed a contract to buy a house last Wednesday. People said "Congratulations" whenever I told them " I bought a house". However, I didn't feel excited or happiness like a child who got a Christmas gift from Santa. I tried to find out why I did not feel that way. As I mentioned earlier in my note, my husband and I gave up the house while we were waiting for the closing. There were lots of thoughts and reasons. The most important reason was that neither of us had prayed seriously about it or had God's answer. I did not intentionally want to pray about buying a house after we decided to not to buy the house. However, I have started praying more everyday after I read the bible in the Sanctuary. I didn't pray for my house at all. I have praised the Lord how faithful He is and prayed for our church, ministries, and friends. One different matter between those times was my faith about the Lord. I trusted Him 100% in my head. However, while I was praying, my faith became the truth. The Lord led me to remember how faithful He has been in my life and to remember how wonderful Father He is and to realize He is the Lord. I said always "He is Faithful" and I do believe the truth but I still was worried about my husband's job, or my kids' futures and so on. But the prayer made me to be "worryless". Time to time, I worry. However, it is not "real" worries anymore to me because whatever He leads in front of me, the way is the right way whether the way is rough, or smooth. Some people say God's way is always smooth. I don't agree with the theory. His way is not always smooth physically. However, His way brings always His deep "peace". That was missing at the first time. I led the Lord to make me buy a house. However, I gave up totally not only physical stage of buying a house, but also the leadership.

I have been a fast runner and leader always. I can't stand someone who acts slowly, I can't stand being late, and I can't stand injustice. So, Those have been always problems for me because I act immediately not praying or asking God immediately.

That is why the praying time has been the most important time for me in my life to let everything go to the Lord. God is still working on me to be molded. And I am very happy and grateful about that even though to be mold is painful. Also, I give thanks to the Lord that He always waits for me to come back standing behind Him not in front of Him. He could just let me go any where I wanted to walk or run. However, He doesn't give up on me. I am just thankful that I have my Father who are merciful and faithful. "Lord, my Father, I love You so much!!"

Differences

It has been very busy since I visited Bloomington to attend Dr. Dunn's memorial service for a weekend. I felt "home" in Bloomington always because I lived for more than a decade there and still have many friends there. While I was staying there, I have thought a lot in several things. One of my friends asked me what I have missed most about Bloomington. I said "friends" and "diversity". Bloomington is a such an unique place among even in mid-west. Because there are tons of students who are from all over the world and states, people are open and so called "liberal" which I don't want to choose to term. However, I can't say which way is better. I just got used to being in that society. That is all. Like my kids at the elementary school in Bloomington, more than half of class mates were from all over the world. On the contrary, in here, we hardly find a child like my kids, Asian even though they don't think they are different. It was very hard for my kids to adjust for a year at their school.
Anyway, because of the diversity, people in Bloomington accept easily differences in many ways. For example, they invite totally stranger into their Thanksgiving dinner. I know it sounds strange but IU international center arranges BWF(Bloomington Worldwide friendship) invites international students into their homes. I was one of them in my very first year. After the first year, I started having lots of American friends so, I had to run three or four dinners on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I became spoiled being an international student, I guess.
Also, people hear other people's different philosophy, idioms, opinions, and so on which I found out not easy in my new town. They have tons of meetings in every place to discuss matters. Especially in church, you name it! there are the meetings and the meetings could be long for two or three hours seriously. They talk and talk and listen and listen. I just was amazed how people share their thoughts so easily and how different their thoughts were. I frankly was bored most of time but enjoyed to see how they got into a one "solution".
I have thought about those "differences" lately. I can't say which way is good or bad. But I have learned that I should accept "differences" in many ways as differences themselves. God makes us different totally. As I know Him, He is the one who enjoys most "differences". However, as a human being, I have a tendency to start judging or putting them in my ruler to find out which one is good or bad. I need to be alert to find out which is evil or not but I don't have a right to judge. God does have the right. I pray that I have an open heart to accept different life styles, thoughts, and cultures like among family members even though other people don't see me that way. I know it is a big task and needs to be discipline in some ways but I do want to be like Jesus who never fears to accept differences in front of people with His whole heart, not only showing but really accepting. Jesus, please help me to have your heart!