I am not a sports fan, but I have been watching the winter Olympic game with my family this week. While I was watching epsecially figure sketings, I could feel the pain in my heart for the people who fell at the performances. As a performer, I could understand 100% how they would feel. They must have spent days and nights in practices to get better and make a fine performance for that day. However, stuff happenes. I do not think that it is because of their lack of practices, talents, or even luck. It just happens without a doubt. Most people try to find reasons why it happens, or to find reasons to blame. Audience and the world are very cold and sharp. They do not accept excuses or behind stories for the failures. The performer can't get a medal for sure.
On the other hand, I am so grateful that God does not give medals due to how we perform. Especially, falling is not that matter. After all, falling can be even a good thing because we get better and stronger to hold His hand tighter. And the most important thing is there is no failure in Christ! Because He already won the gold medal for us. We sometimes misunderstood that our goal is achiving the gold medal in our lives. I believe that God does not even think about the gold medal which is already achieved. He thinks about our journey to get to the final line. Like Paul, we race to get an award by God but it is not the award for the gold medal. I think that the award is for finishing the race with our best effort. Beyond that, the race itself is even not mine, it is all His!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Again!
I do not like to postpone stuff personally. I know how painful it is to be uncomfortable in mind if there is something I have to do it right away. That was also a good habit to finish my course work and qualifying exams without delaying with two little children and a partime job when I was Bloomington. I was kind of boastful that I rather facing the things right away than postponing with heavy burden in my heart. However, it was a totally wrong thought about myself because I have been postponing to finish my doctorate degree with an unwritten dissertation.
Last year Lent, I made my mind that I would write at least couple of pages every day during Lent to finish the dissertation but it never happened. After that, I even did not try to open my dissertation file from my document, look, or read any source for that. I put it all under somewhere that I even do not see near by. Even though it stinks to think about it, I avoided thinking about it and did not want to start again. I know that I will enjoy studying, reading, and even writing if I start again. But a fear was what if I again fail to continue like last year.
Even though I am not that briliant or smart, God gave me a good part that I do work hard. My excuse has been my work. I honestly did not have much time to sit and think about my dissertation at all for two years. I even have not slept that much to keep up with my work, kids, and housework. But, I've got to do what I've got to do. Here we go again, I have started studying for my dissertation again today. I just wrote a full one page only today but read some more, and opened my file again. I know... I might fail again to finish 100 pages of my dissertation but I have prayed may the Lord give me His wisdom and strength that I do not make any excuses in here and there that I am tired, busy, and do not have a moment to do it. Somehow, I can tell that the Holy Spirit within me is happy that I decided to face to what I need to do.
Lent is the time to get nearer to Jesus by praying, reading, meditating, and practicing His love and teachings. For me, this year Lent will be nearer to Jesus by writing my dissertation. :)
I need lots of prayers for sure. God is the one who has been the main support to get me through until this moment in my education, and I want to pursue what He has offered me in the best way.
Last year Lent, I made my mind that I would write at least couple of pages every day during Lent to finish the dissertation but it never happened. After that, I even did not try to open my dissertation file from my document, look, or read any source for that. I put it all under somewhere that I even do not see near by. Even though it stinks to think about it, I avoided thinking about it and did not want to start again. I know that I will enjoy studying, reading, and even writing if I start again. But a fear was what if I again fail to continue like last year.
Even though I am not that briliant or smart, God gave me a good part that I do work hard. My excuse has been my work. I honestly did not have much time to sit and think about my dissertation at all for two years. I even have not slept that much to keep up with my work, kids, and housework. But, I've got to do what I've got to do. Here we go again, I have started studying for my dissertation again today. I just wrote a full one page only today but read some more, and opened my file again. I know... I might fail again to finish 100 pages of my dissertation but I have prayed may the Lord give me His wisdom and strength that I do not make any excuses in here and there that I am tired, busy, and do not have a moment to do it. Somehow, I can tell that the Holy Spirit within me is happy that I decided to face to what I need to do.
Lent is the time to get nearer to Jesus by praying, reading, meditating, and practicing His love and teachings. For me, this year Lent will be nearer to Jesus by writing my dissertation. :)
I need lots of prayers for sure. God is the one who has been the main support to get me through until this moment in my education, and I want to pursue what He has offered me in the best way.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Covered Ears
Whenever I read Acts, I am amazed how the Holy Spirit worked through the apostles and how different people's responses to the message of Gospel. Especially, the story of Stephen's persecution gives me deep thoughts. When Peter spread the gospel boldly at the first time right after Pentecost, lots of people responsed with deep rependent "When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?" (Acts 2:37) However, when Stephen was testifying Jesus, people even did not want to hearit and stoned him to die. "At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, dragged him out of the city and began to stone him." (Act 7:57) Why did people respond totally opposite? Was that matter of difference of Peter and Stephen's messages? Was Peter better than Stephen? Was not Stephen in the Holy Spirit? No, not at all.
Both of them were fully in the Holy Spirit and the messages were both same about Jesus Christ, the Gospel. As I saw both, particularly Stephen was full of mercy and love of God toward those people who even stoned him to death. We can't judge or determin that only certain one was the work of God. It leads me to in deep thoughts about myself and people's hearts. I sometimes try to determine God's work through people's responses. If I do not see people's positive responses to God's work through me, I become either guilty that I am not filled by the Holy Spirit, or not well prepared in prayers. However, God keeps telling me that I do not have a right to even determine by people's response. If we see after Stephen's persecution, there were countless things happened by the Holy Spirit through the persecution, including Saul becoming Paul and so on. My eyes are so narrow that can't see further than an inch.
People who lived in two thousand years ago were very same as now people live in 21 century. Even though people looked better in some ways under civilization process in this modern world, it seems we are worse. Paul's describtion in 2 Timothy 3 about people shows well. "Peopel will be loversof themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power-Have nothing to do with then." It scares me deeply because it describes exactly who we are now in many ways. We do not cover our ears outside like what they did to Stephen, and we come to church on Sundays, and do stuff in form of godliness. However, do we believe in power of Holy Spirit? I am not saying that I am not one of us. I am one of us. I need to repent deeply that I have lived powerlessly as a christian. "Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison. Lord, please have mercy on us and open our ears!"
Both of them were fully in the Holy Spirit and the messages were both same about Jesus Christ, the Gospel. As I saw both, particularly Stephen was full of mercy and love of God toward those people who even stoned him to death. We can't judge or determin that only certain one was the work of God. It leads me to in deep thoughts about myself and people's hearts. I sometimes try to determine God's work through people's responses. If I do not see people's positive responses to God's work through me, I become either guilty that I am not filled by the Holy Spirit, or not well prepared in prayers. However, God keeps telling me that I do not have a right to even determine by people's response. If we see after Stephen's persecution, there were countless things happened by the Holy Spirit through the persecution, including Saul becoming Paul and so on. My eyes are so narrow that can't see further than an inch.
People who lived in two thousand years ago were very same as now people live in 21 century. Even though people looked better in some ways under civilization process in this modern world, it seems we are worse. Paul's describtion in 2 Timothy 3 about people shows well. "Peopel will be loversof themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power-Have nothing to do with then." It scares me deeply because it describes exactly who we are now in many ways. We do not cover our ears outside like what they did to Stephen, and we come to church on Sundays, and do stuff in form of godliness. However, do we believe in power of Holy Spirit? I am not saying that I am not one of us. I am one of us. I need to repent deeply that I have lived powerlessly as a christian. "Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison. Lord, please have mercy on us and open our ears!"
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