My car, Grace

Since 1997 we have had used cars. I had a serious car accident by avoiding a giant deer on a high way, flipped twice and half, and our first new car was totalled. Right after the accident, we got 1988 Pontiac Bonneville. Even though it did not have any air condition, we used it for almost five years. We named her "Grace" because it was old but gracefully running well. Also, at that time, the economy in Korea was dropped badly, the dollar currency went up to triple. Fortunately, we did not have to pay the car payment which might have been painful. It was true His Grace even though I had side effects from the accident for more than six months. Right before my Joanne was born, we felt that we needed a reliable car and found my car, 1996 Ford Taurus in Chicago. We got her in Dec. 2001. We named her again "Grace" that we were hoping that the car runs long and well. While we have had Grace, Jason got another old car, named little foot, for himself. My Grace died this Monday. I knew that she was fading lately. I kept telling Grace to hold on until Jason gets a real job then we can buy a new car. However, she stopped. Thankfully, she did not stop at the big four way stop in the middle of now where instead stopped at right in front of my church so, we could push her to the church parking lot easily. I am sure that God led me through to be in a safe place and sent people to help me out. As thinking back those years, I have felt God's grace and faithfulness. Although it is not a good time to buy a new car with our financial situation, God has led us faithfully in His grace. I could not see still how I am going get another car right away, but I am not worried because of His faithfulness. He never ignore my prayers even a small one. Some people say about prayer but don't believe it. However, I do believe that He listens our prayers and answers. My girls and I decided already what to name next our car. Of course, "Grace" again. His grace never run out. His grace overflows always within our lives. Let's enjoy His grace!

Remembering my dad on his birthday

It seems weird to think about some one's birthday who already passed away. Today is my dad's birthday. I still want to celebrate his birthday though even though he does not exist on earth anymore. He lived not that long life but did live and left great influence among his family, students, and friends for sure. He was born as a first son but third child at his family, was always in the first place in his classes according to my grandma throughout his school years. He did not like to fight or do stuff which common boys like to do. So, they teased him a lot. He was into writing, reading, or listening to others' lives. He wanted to study more but my grandfather wanted him to inherit his business. He took off to Seoul to study in Seoul National university in master's degree but his parents did not support him at all and were mad at him completely. He got a national scholarship to study abroad, came to University of Minnesota in 1962. He finished his master's degree and went back to Korea. He found out that his wealthy parents lost their business totally so, he took care of all his family including 7 other siblings. He worked as an associate professor at Seoul National University and taught at several other university to support his family. I do remember that when I was young, I lived with two aunts, my grandparents, my parents, and other adults too. In Korea, we usually live with our parents until we get married. He became a representative of Korea at UNESCO, and other international meetings and traveled all around the world. He also became a dean of students union in very politically difficult years in Korea. He kept telling me that how hard his job was. And I remember that how much pain he had for the poor people. He cried often because he was a true humanist. He was an outstanding tennis player, had high level in Taekwundo, and enjoyed every single small things. He was a sensitive, brilliant, and sweet dad. I know... everything is meaningless after we leave the earth. However, I think that it is very important to live well and do our best in our lives. I just want to celebrate my dad's birthday by sharing his life. I surely miss him a lot.

Priority

A simbol of the retreat center at Lake Junaluska might be the cross on the hill. You can't miss it not seeing the one unless you only look down floor all the time. It is made on the hill toward the lake and mountains and it is decorated with many lights so you can see during the night too. I had moment to think about that cross related to my life. First of all, I thought about which way should be the first considering the cross; vertical line or paralle line? As we know, cross represents the redemption, salvation by Jesus Christ. He restored our relationship between God and people, as well as among people. However, it is very important to think about our priority to accept and live under the cross. If our priority leans on the relationship among people, it might leadto the byroad a lot. Some people calls "liberal" but I do not want to call it as "liberal". I can call it as hearts centered to people. For example, we love our neighbors first like ourselves. It sounds really loving and right but if we do love first our neighbors, we can not continue love them like ourselves. You know why? because we can not love without God's love within our hearts. Some people believe themselves that they can love that much but it has limitation truly. Nevertheless, if we give priority to the relationship with God first, it leads us the truth and right way. In the gospel, Jesus told us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength as the most important commandment. And then love our neighbors. It can be applied to the music ministry too. If I prepare well for only comforting, pleasing people or hearing from people saying " great music" with our music at the church, it is wrong addressed. It should be prepared to glorify God and pleasing Him. Then, God gives His joy through the music to people more than we can make. I know that God sees the heart of people. He sees our deep centered heart. I sometimes get afraid of being in front of people on Sunday because I know that God sees my heart. It is so easy to forget and ignore what is in the center of our heart when we worship Him. I have prayed that God gives me His truthfulness into my heart to serve Him right way.

Say No is....

more difficult than say yes. I knew it but it was harder than what I thought. I haven't had much experience facing that problems in my life. I had to say no and let a person down today. I am still in shock and feeling beaten badly after what I did even though I had to. Of course, the person spit total curses for me and got hurt. I hope that she can understand that I am also got hurt to tell her. I have many weaknesses; one of them is I do not want to face to a situation that I have to say "no" or turn down something. So, I decided to do it this morning with a prayer before I told her. It stung directly to me too. I have thought about God's response toward us through this morning. He sometimes let us have a bitter moment. He has to say no to our prayers. However, we usually get upset and feel that we get hurt only. I learned from today's experience that it must have been really hard for Him to tell us no. For His big and perfect picture, He has to say no, even though we do not see the whole big picture. I am still hurting but thankful that God says no to us sometimes. What if He says yes all the time to every single prayer?

Dear Lord, let us grow in You sincerely and please give Your wisdom and compassion throughout our lives.

Welcome July!

Oh~! my goodness! It is truly July! We are starting a new half of 2009! Welcome July! even though the weather is steamy hot. July is a true summer month; VBS, pools, ice-cream, fire-works and so on. It has been a wonderful two and half months with my mom and she is leaving on July 6th to Korea. I have felt some regrets with many stuff. For example, I could not take her out certain places in Savannah but I told her that I need to save those places for later her visit. I wish I could take care of her nearby until she goes our eternal home. I really do wish. However, I pray that God sends loving people around her to make her happy and not lonely without her kids nearby. I am already sad but trust the Lord that He will be with her always.

I enjoyed a lot at Lake Junaluska last week. Most of all, I enjoyed seeing 1100 people who are devotional to music to serve the Lord. Each morning, my heart was pounding with expectation and longing for morning worship service. I cried a lot because of God's beauty. I could see His beautiful creation in nature, people, music, arts, and hearts. I wish that I have talents to describe vividly how beautiful God's world is. I wish that I have big hearts to contain all the love, grace, joy, and peace from Him to share with others. I wish that I have an ability to deliver those beautiful words of God. However, God comforted me that He sees my hearts and love toward Him. I do not want to live to be just medium. I will do my best to live in this world to lift my heart to the Lord and to work hard with my talents to produce as much as I can. So, I want to hear from my Lord at the end," You, good servant, did your best! Now, take rest and enjoy eternity with me." Let's work! We do not have time to sit and being whiny!