For the Glory of the Lord shall be revealed.

The Christmas Cantata, Night of the Father's Love, was lifted up to the Lord on last Sunday at our church, Floris UMC.

I am deeply grateful for God's presence, and His faithfulness that He answers our prayers always. I heard and purchased the music in may when I was still in Richmond Hill, GA. I prayed to God that "Lord, please let me lift this music up to you". However, I could not imagine how to do it in the circumstance that there was no string orchestra available. And the music was a harder for the choir. While I was applying for my new job, I still prayed if God opened the position for me also to praise Him with the cantata. However, I did not insist to Him that it should be this particular one. I laid everything down to the Lord. After I started working at Floris, and sharing my thought about this Christmas music, it started becoming my dream come true. Even though there were many huddles and barriers to overcome, God has led me keep on praying and moving forward. When I kneel at the dawn service every morning, I have confessed that I am nothing without Him. I seek His mercy and grace as well as I lifted up each name of the choir members and orchestra members. Even I lifted up needing parts of instruments players. By grace of God, He indeed filled the needing parts and brought people to help me. It is just amazing to see how God has led. I lifted my hands to the Lord, said "Lord, please cover me, and be a conductor of this worship Lord. "

I don't have any ability to do this mighty things. I am just a tool that God has been using. I am afraid of being a proud person. I am afraid that I start thinking that I could do this again by myself. Nope. there is no way that I can do it without Him. People don't understand how much I feel uncomfortable to hear " it was wonderful" " You did a great job". And I have to tell also to the choirs and orchestra. I wish I could tell them just "for the Glory of the Lord was revealed, Praise the Lord!"

God is a faithful Father who hears our prayers and answers us with His unfailing love when we seek Him, and His Glory.

I pray people who came to the services could see God's glory and splendor, and His unfailing love toward us.

I pray that the songs remain in people's hearts as their praises and worship to the Lord throughout their lives.

I pray that God continue anointing me to be used as His comfortable and useful tool to show His splendor and glory.

Lord, I lift up my grateful heart to You! I love You Lord, and Your unfailing love and mercy toward us! Lord, please be with us!

Mystery

As a musician, December is the busiest month of a year. Not only as a musician, but also as a mom, as a wife of a singer, December is the busiest month of a year. I think everyone feels like I do. So it is very hard to make a decision to have a moment to stop, listen, and focused. Thankfully, God has reminded me through our worship services at Floris that I do need to have that moment especially in this season. If I think about Christmas deeply, it is not all about getting gifts, sending cards, having parties, singing at concerts and so on. It is all about Jesus who came down as a fragile baby, given up all the glories of Heaven and earth, to save us.

I truly could understand how happy we are during the season but questioned that "are we really happy because of His salvation?" Jesus came as Emmanuel, God is with us, as a form of a human baby who was totally in poor and fragile environment. It is a mystery. What on earth, the prince of Peace decided to get birth in a smelly barn at a manger. No one was paying attention to the baby unless they saw the star, or angels like shepherds or Magi.

It is just a mystery. Not only Jesus was amazing, but also God, the Father who let His only son to be born to be killed for sinners like me and you. I sometimes really was wondering why He loves us so much. That is also a mystery to me.

However, I am grateful for this mystery because I am saved due to that mystery!

If there is non God's grace and mercy, there must have not been the mystery. We can't explain how and why about this love and grace.

We are going to lifting up "Night of the Father's Love" a Christmas Cantata on this Sunday at Floris during worship hours: 8, 9:15, and 11:00. I have been praying that God sends those people who haven't met that baby Jesus, the Mystery of God's mercy and Grace, to our church. I pray that our worship services will be accepted as fragrant offering to God, and used as God's instrument that people can feel His presence and get reconciled as it is written "Glory to God, and Peace on earth!"

I truly know that it can be happen through Him only. That is why I kneel again for God's mercy and grace. Only the mystery can happen by the Lord.

Peppermint Mocha

I love to drink hot drinks: coffee, tea, apple cider, hot coco, and so on. I love smell of coffee at coffee shops. Somehow it gives me some fuggy feeling and warmth memory of Christmas.
When I was a full time doctoral student, I had to drink several cups of coffee to be awake without much sleep. I can confess that I spent a large amount of money in coffee. I enjoyed the smell when I entered the coffee shop, most of all, I enjoyed fellowship at that time with my dear friends. Especially, during cold winter near the end of the semester, my friends and I went there to get some hot coco after long hours of study at the library, hearing background of sweet carols.

After I moved down to Richmond Hill, there was no Starbucks. However, it happened a couple of months later in a Kroger which is located across from my church. So, like a habit, I used to stop by to get a cup of coffee, especially with my dear friends after lunch. Gracefully, my friend treated me often for the coffee.

Since I have moved to VA, I haven't gone to any place to get a cup of coffee. Honestly, I did not have time to drive by, and can't afford it such for a cup of coffee, and most of all I haven't found a friend to go with me yet.
So, today, I drove myself to a nearest Starbucks from my work to get my seasonal favorite to pamper myself. I was so excited but missing those friends. Guess what! They haven't got the peppermint mocha yet! The sign said it should be but they said it maybe will be here on next Monday.

I know that it is nothing to do with Christmas with coffee, or the peppermint mocha. And I know I can't be pampered with a cup of coffee. But I have felt somehow missing and lonely for friends and fellowship. I have tried to figure out why I have felt this way with just a cup of coffee. I am grateful for so many things, and I do not have much problems but I could tell that I haven't had a friend since I have moved. I don't have even one single person to ask to go out for a coffee. They are busy, yes super busy and I am too. However, I wish I have a friend to share my peppermint mocha.

The Advent is Here!

Time really flies faster in this year than any other year for me. The advent is here already! My precious advent cactus just has started blooming on last Saturday night. It is just amazing how the plant knows when it is time to bloom! As I read Rev. Bill's blog last year about the advent cactus, I also felt that God showed His faithfulness through this little plant to let us know about Him. By the way, I have kept Rev. Bill's advent cactus at my home now. Unfortunately, while we moved it got sick a little bit, so all the buds were fell off but it still is alive! The one which is blooming now given two years ago from one of handbell choir members at RHUMC. Thanks Terri!

As I was amazed observing the cactus, I remembered how often I forget about the season. Even though physically I am there at the season and do so many things to fulfill the season at the church, I easily miss the real meaning of the season: waiting patiently with well prepared heart. I even often forget whom I do work for this hard.

I just can't resist not adoring this little cactus which even was not centered in our attention but faithfully bloom to announce that it is time to humble ourselves to prepare our hearts for Jesus.

I have asked myself "what do I have prepared for Jesus?" I could easily say "my heart" but it is too old to use it. I want to prepare to give a whole me this year although I am not pretty, or unusually great. But just like this cactus, I will do my best to lift up myself to the Lord to reflect Him completely through me.

As I learned the word, compunction, I need to have some time for compunction so the Lord accept me as who I am.

David

Lately, I have been enjoying very much a Disciple I group on Thursday morning at our church, Floris. I took the course when I was serving as a missionary candidate long time ago in Korea. So, I feel like that everything comes to me as new even though I read a bible daily. We have been studying the big people in the old tastement last week: Samuel, Saul, David, and Solomon. I have thought about various thoughts and point of views about those people while I was reading the chapters, especially, David. He was not abnormally bright or good looking I don't think. He was truly a human. As more I read, I could more understand how much he was a true human who was full of emotion. As we all know, David was a strong leader but a very sensitive man. well.. sadly the sensitivity led him to temptation. However, I think he was still David who had loved, feard, and known God so well.
I was wondering how God loved David more than anybody else or how David feard God so deeply with true love and sincere heart. What made him being like that? As we could see, Saul and Solomon just failed at their glories but David did not. He was humble completely in front of the Lord. He was a dare young man faced to Goliath but he kneeled and wept like a child faced to the Lord. I could hear David's voice through Psalms so vividly. He had the most passionate heart toward the Lord even though he sometimes failed the temptation like most of us.
I want to have the passionate heart like David toward the Lord. Because of the heart, he could overcome those difficult times with praises and thanksgiving. He knew who God was! He trust God with all his heart because he knew what kind God was.
I pray that I could know God truly and love Him with full of confidence like David. David often praises the Lord that God's love endures forever, and trusting His unfailing love. Let's praise the Lord and His unfailing Love everyday.

Grumpiness is not from God.

Have you felt grumpy?
I do. Especially I do feel grumpy when I am lack of sleep or physically tired.
However, I notice that even though I am lack of sleep or physically tired, I can be thankful and cheerful all the time if I am full of Holy Spirit. That is for sure!
I analysize closely my behavior and mood swings. And it is sure that it is not my good personality to be cheerful and joyful all the time. It is the Holy Spirit. I used to think that I was born with cheerful heart because I was always happy, and people liked me, as well as I did too. However, I have found out that I could not be happy (really) and cheerful without Him totally because I am a sinner. My feet run fast to go to sinful thing. My heart always wants to judge people with my own narrow minded ruler, I want to be recognized by people when I do good things, and most of all I want to compare to someone to be better or worse which is I think the most sinful nature. All those sins is rooted somehow in "comparison" fact. What if Eve did not listen to the snake that said to her " you will be like God". The snake knew our weakiest part: wanting to be better than someone. The snake used "comparison" fact to tempt Eve. If Eve thought "I am God's creation that made like Him and I am thankful to be myself", she must have not eaten the fruit. The world mostly make people to feel at least "better" or "worse" in most ways. That is from the sin. I know... it sounds a little bit too much to accept but think about very carefully why we feel unhappy. I can tell you that behind all those reason, there is root of "comparison" from unthankful heart.
That is why I try to go everyday to the dawn service in the morning to renew my heart and remember who I am, and what I need to chose to be. Because I know myself that I can't be thankful always without Him.
We make excuses with lots of reasonable reasons to be grumpy. How about Jesus? Jesus never being grumpy without sleep, no food, full of loaded working, and died on the cross without any reason to be killed. He tells us to be like Him. It is challenging for sure but I will try my best to be in Him. so I can be thankful and cheerful always whether people consider me fool or not.

Approaching destination

Since I have moved in Northern VA, driving is a big adventure everyday.
I notice that people are much busier than any other cities, and they drive crazy. As a dull driver, I have to pray for God's protection whenever I sit down at the driver sit. That is good thing that I can at least pray about it.
My poor GPS has been blamed a lot because there are many new roads that she-my kids named her Savannah, so it is she-does not know at all. However, I have found a great comfort at a particular moment with her voice. "approaching destination within o. 3 feet. " Whenever I drive to work, I get my smile when Savannah said it. I have found why I get smile because it gives a sort of comfort that I arrive safely where I need to be.
I have thought about my life and final destination, and imagine my last breath hearing "approaching destination within three second." Will I have comfort to hear that? Will I not regret that I should have lived better life?

We all are live to die some day, unknowing when it will be. I think it is very important that we know where our final destination. When we get there, it is not a big deal whether our cars are in expensive or not. We just need to arrive our destination in right direction.

Jesus said " I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." He is the right direction. He is only the comfort that we can get at our last breath near "the approaching destination". Do you have Him?

Seek Him

It has been an adventure for almost a month. As I shared before, I got a new job in Floris UMC, Herndon, VA. I did not sleep more than three hours every night until a week ago. Finally, I can sleep more than five hours at night at least. I was fully stressed with packing, moving, and adjusting to the new life in VA.
Amazing part is God has been revealing Himself to let me know in every second that He is with me, especially through His words. Even though there was two hours horrible storm on the way to VA that I could not see a thing in front, I drove through it with my old favorite small car, the little foot named by my girls. Even though there were a number of things that made me looking back and missing stuff, God keeps telling me "Seek Him"only, and "Press on!"
It has not been easy but I can tell you that God is Good all the time no matter what. :)
One thing that I prayed and begged to God before I moved was "please help me to kneel to you every morning with thirst of Your presence." I was afraid of myself what if I am too tired to get up early to kneel to seek Him, what if I am too busy to even to focus on Him and so on. That was my biggest fear and worry. However, He has been meeting me every early morning and waking me up to kneel down. I pray that He keeps me in this way until I go to see Him.
The reason is... I can't live without Him even for a second, and I know that I am a just sinner saved by His grace. If I don't have His presence, I know that I can't work, or live for Him. And mostly, I love the time with Him more than any reasons.

God has been giving me several words since I got here at new place: "Seek Him", " Humility", " Trust Him with all my heart". I will share details when I have more free time with you at this blog.

"Whether we react to life with faith or fear depends on our focus. Knowing that " The Lord shall reign forever". How can we keep from singing?

If you keep in tune with Christ, you can sing even in the dark.
I will come back to the blog soon for sharing my new life in VA.

Obedience

Obedience is the key to how to live following God's guidence in the world. However, it is the most difficult thing to do. Obedience requires a full heart, not a partial. If we obey, that is it; no doubt, no complains, no whining, But rather rejoice, give thanks, and enjoy the situation. It is easy to say but I can tell you that it is very hard to do.
Through a devotion this morning with His words from Numbers 9:23, I confessed my weakness in faith and disobedient life in God. "At the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord's order, in accordance with his command through Moses." Living the world is very similar with the Israelite's 40 years until they reached Cannan. We do know the final destination, Heaven, but still need to walk through in faith in every single step. I know and believe that we are saved by Jesus on the Cross, but still we complain, fall, and go astray. Right there, there is the Cross to tell us that Jesus already gave us victory and eternal life, we still get struggled to focus on the Cross but looking around us and starting to compare with others.
I can tell you that for this couple of weeks have been a big roller coast ride to me. Even though I knew and saw His guidence clearly, I got worried, complained, and tempted to quit going to the direction that God opened for me. There have been a number of distractions, and temptations on the road to make a clear decision.
However, I am thankful that God helps me to go on His path and to have faith to obey to Him completely.
Someone said if we fear God and trust Him with all our heart, we must not worry, or complain. We can't do both at the same time in one heart. I totally agree. If I said I trust Him with all my heart, that is it.
Because by obedience we are acknowledging God as our Lord, the loving Father, the Creator, and the Sovereign God. That is why God wants obedience from us. "To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat rams. "1 Samuel 13:22

Random thoughts

I have difficulties to sleep long enough lately with lots of thoughts in my head. Benefit of being an early bird (often too early though) is having a deep meditation of God's words and prayer time. I woke up at 2:30 this morning, having a devotion with the prodigal son's story. It always give me a deep insight of amazing grace. The detailed descriptions of the father when he saw the son's returning, give me tears always. Even though the son told him that he was not worthy even to be called a son, the father was not even listening what the son said, but just hugged and kissed his son, told his servants to bring the best robe for his son, the best robe!

Whenever I read this moment, I could hear God's voice that He loves me like that. That is the grace!

God gave His only Son to save us. What we need to be saved is just accepting Him as our Savior and surrender to Him all. The surrender brings blessings the best blessings like the best robe. However, we often hesitate to surrender "all", and want to negotiate a deal with God that some parts are ours. When we surrender all, it leads us to be free completely.

I shared some thoughts with my girls last night at their bed time because they were fighting and mean to each other, saying "it is unfair!". I told them that Jesus told us to live unfairly. I know it might have been difficult to understand as children but I tried to explain. Jesus showed how we should live this world unfairly. However, it leads to get ultimate freedom from heaven. That is also an amazing gift from God.

Somehow, God has a totally opposite principle in how to live this world. For example, if we surrender, we will get all with the best. And if you want to be a leader, you must be a servant. And so on....

That is why I said Jesus told us to live unfairly in view of the world. However, I know that it leads us true freedom, and blesses us with the best robes!!

Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart." Proverbs 3:5

As a christian, I do believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. However, sometimes I have to ask myself a question "Do I really trust in the Lord with all my heart?" If I do, I should not be worried, or anxious about things. So, it brings a fact that I do not trust Him with all my heart.

Lately, I had a chance to put everything on the table to lift up to the Lord about my future. I said in my prayers, and told other people that I lifted up everything to the Lord but I found myself that I still was very anxious about with lots of questions of what if. If I acknowledge the Lord as the Creator, the loving and faithful Father, and my Saviour, I should not worry for sure. Because He is the one who provides with His abundant love. I shared with my mom last night on the phone that I am too small to see a big picture that God has already made for me but what I can do is, trusting Him with all my heart that His way is the best way even though I can't see it right now in short, narrow distance. Through my 41 years life, God has shown me a number of times that He is the loving Father. He never let my little prayers not be answered. He sometimes makes me laugh and smile because He shows His love toward me in so many detailed little little things around me. When I felt deeply lonely one day, He showed me His love through beautiful clouds in the sky. I waved at the sky and smiled " Father, I love you too!!" He knows what I love, desire, and seek. He is the Loving Father who gave His only Son to save me. What do I need more to prove that I need to Trust Him with all my heart? I am a little and weak faith one. And He knows that too. However, I pray that He gives me His strength to trust Him with all my heart throughout my life.
"Holy God, My life is always in Your hand. Use me do Your will and to reflect Your reality on earth. As long as I live let my life count for good. Guide me to grow in faith and strength, and to live the abundant life that comes from Your grace. I pray in Jesus name, Amen."

a devotion

I have been anxious about things lately a lot. Even though I said "I trust in the Lord with all my heart", I still be anxious about things.

Today, I had a moment for a devotion with a little book, found a good one! I would like to share in here. It is written one of my favorite writers, Philp Yancey. I hope everyone enjoy it!

Why Suffer? by Philip Yancey.

Read: Matthew 5:1-12

Jesus taught that the world seen from God's view point is titled in favor of the oppressed. This teaching emerges in the Sermon on the Mount and other statements of Jesus: the first will be last (Matt. 19:30; Mark 10:31; Luke 13:30), and he who humbles himself will be exalted(Luke 14:11; 18:14). But why would God single out the oppressed for special attention?

1. Suffering helps us realize our urgent need for redemption.

2. Suffering helps us experience our dependence on God and our interdependence with one another.

3. Suffering helps us distinguish between necessities and luxuries.

4. Suffereing helps us respond to the call fo the gospel because we may have become so desperate that we cry out to God.

The poor, the hungry, the mounrers, and those who suffer are blessed because their lack of self-sufficiency is obvious to them every day. They must turn somewhere for strength. Peopel who are rich, successful, and beautiful may go through life relying on their natural gifts. But people who are needy, dependent, and dissatisfied with life are more likely to welcome God's free gift of love.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit."Why? Because "theirs is the kingdom of heaven."(Matt.5:3)

The weaker we feel, the harder we lean on God.

Deceiving of contentment

I have failed to finish a diet program, and try to fast lately. Interestingly, when I am full filled with the Holy Spirit, I do not gain weight. But when I am down in my Spiritual life, I definitaly gain. Since this Spring, I have gain a lot in short period time. I could see how my Spiritual life is by watching my weight. I know..it sounds silly but it is true. I have been stressed and sad in circumstances at my work lately. It is part of reasons but mostly it is from deceiving feeling of contentment in my Spirit. I compromise myself with eating, and making excuses in many ways to get away from the reality.

I ask myself questions this morning, " How much do I hunger and thirst for the Lord?"While listening a sermon at a radio, I agreed in every single word that we need to thirst and hunger to live God's way like we look for air to breath in every moment. We have full of food in our pantries, refridgrators, and counter tops, and waterfountains are found easily to fill our thirst. We live in convience and comfortable enviroment. We do not like to struggle either mentally or physically. We feel that we are content enough. That is trick and deceit. If we do not feel hungry or thirsty, we do not look for the source to satisfy them. I am sure that Satan wants us to be comfortable enough so we do not need to find the source of the true living water, and bread. I could see it so clearly.

Lord, Please give hunger, and thirst for us so we pant for You and seek You desperately.

Lord, we need You!

Rev. Bill

God has blessed me through many people in my life from my families: parent, grandparents, cousins, and so on to friends. Especially, God has sent me wonderful father figure people around me always. God knows how close my dad and I was. After my dad passed away, th emost I miss is his smile which towards me based on unshakable love. I could see the smile through my husband's face when he looks at my girls. On the other hand, God provides someone who I could ask good advices, helps, and prayers without hesitation.

One of them is Rev. Bill. I have only known him for less than three years but he is like my dad. Even though there was not much time to know him, he has been a strong leader, boss, and supporter for me. Whatever I brought up, he has always been supportive and given a good thoughts and prayers. However, he is leaving soon to retire and I have been sad with a sort of separation anxieity: I even keep dreaming of the last day of his service at our church. Even though I know that God will send other good people to me soon, I still could not help not being sad. I know for sure that I will miss his prayer, sermon, hard to understand handwriting, but mostly his smile. It is a true blessing to have people in my life like Rev. Bill.

addiction

Last Sunday, I and my girls made a rule for making Sunday more Holy and focused by not using any technologies such as computer, TV, I-Pod, or DS for a day, Sunday.

When I had a moment of a daily devoition on last Sunday morning, the thought just occured to me, and I shared with the girls.

I have found that my girls stay with either computer or I-Pod for long period of time at home lately as well as my husband, and myself. Bad parts of spending time with the machines is losing time to connect to someone else. The machines occupy people's mind and time.

Last Sunday was not easy for me especially to survive without those machines especially. The girls went to their friends house for sleep over, and my husband went to his church retreat. I was by myself for whole day and night. Interesting thing was I spent more hours of reading, napping, and cleaning than usual. Of course, my mind was clearer than anytime.

I think we become addicted to these technologies without conscious. If we stick to them, it means we can't stick to the others. After spending a day without them, I have tried to moniter my daily life how much I spend with the machines. I know, I am using it right now too.

Let's focus and connected to the Lord more! and try hard to listen to His voice! Let's make effort! It is worthy really to at least try it.

Wireless

Because of high technology, we are living systems of "wireless". I do still remember when I had first time a wireless phone at home. I was amazed how the phone worked. It has accelerated to remote controls, cell phones, wireless mouse, and wireless internet services and so on. It certainly is convienence for sure, especially wireless frees limitation in spaces.

I have thought about our lives with God. It is truly wireless. However, there is an invisible line between Him and us. Interesting part is we often can't find out whether it is connected or not. Like, interent wireless service, we have to have a signal which shows ability for the service. Even though the computer is new and expensive, we can't get a service without the signal. It is like the Holy Spirit. If we do not have the Spirit, we hardly get the service. We sometimes get cheated by ourselves by great looking outside.

God's wireless service is eternal, unlimited, and runs by grace.

When I woke up middle of nights with a strange dream, I called Him. "Heavenly Dad, are you there? " I always have His voice right away "Yes, dear." I am happy with my fastest and unlimited wireless service provided by God. I wish we all can realize how amazing its' service works. I wish we all can use frequently more than using the facebook or e-mail. God is Highest-tech. I hope people know that.

Frozen Amaryllis

What a beautiful Spring! The weather has been gorgeous lately. The trees have new leaves and the grass turned green again like a magic. It amazes me that nature is always faithful whether the previous winter was harshly cold or not. I have had a pot of amaryllis for several years. It blooms regardless if we were in Bloomington, IN or in Richmond Hill. However, I totally forgot to put the pot insede during this last bitter winter. It seemed totally dried and frozen dead when I found it last month. I felt guilty that I neglected it. After we came back from our spring break trip to Indiana, Joanne screamed out loud "Mom! Mom! come here!"Guess what happened! Three amaryllis flowers were already blooming beautifully. I could not believe how it survived.

I had felt so much shame that one day I threw the pot away into the trash cane, and neglected it. However, it was right under a sunny spot. God took care of it no matter what- with sun and rain!

I have learned several things through this frozen amaryllis. First, even though we neglect things around us, God will still faithfully take care of things. Second, sometimes, we think things are hopeless when we are only observing what we can see on the outside, but there is always growing life and hope deep in the roots where we can't even spot. All is in His hand. I have been so comforted through this little frozen amaryllis. God is faithful and He is our keeper for sure. Let's praise our faithful Lord!

My BFF

Lately, my girls have been into buying some necklace, bracelet, or some accessories with best friends forever written to give to their friends. I have thought about my bff:best friend forever. I have had many friends, and it has been a true blessing to have them in my life. However, I am not sure who I can call as my B.F.F. In Korea, old people said if we find a friend who we can trust to ask take care of my family without feeling any sorry or doubt when we are in danger, we can tell that we live a pretty good life. What if I am sick and will die soon, do I have someone to ask take care of my lovely girls without doubt? I am not sure. When I was in elementary school, teachers asked students always who was our best friend. The teachers made a note to each kid whom is their best friend. Interestingly, I usually could not write one single name for my best friend. However, my name was written a lot in my friends' best friend line. My teacher asked me personally one day about it. I told her that I have many friends but could not decide who is my best friend. That is me. I have had lots of lots of friends. Good thing is they think I am their best friend. Most of them came to my wedding, so we had to divide to take a picture in several groups due to large amount. :) Sometimes, it was not that convenience to be a best friend to many friends. They required my attention all the time because I was their best friend. If I did not attend their birthday parties, they would have been mad at me. Fortunately, I still keep in touch with many friends fairly. Beyond all that, I have thought about whom is my best friend forever who can stand by me no matter what. The Holy Spirit is given to us official BFF through Jesus. No matter what...I know He will stay with me and be my best friend forever.
I am truly blessed! How about you?

Happy Easter!

Jesus. why did you give up your glory? why did you bear the humiliation? why did you become a servant? why Lord?
Whenever I read through the life of Jesus, I was wondering why he loves people who don't deserve his love so much. I could tell that I do not deserve it either. How can I even close to understand the love? However, I am honored, I am blessed, and I got the victory through Jesus my Savior. It is a true grace that a sinner like me got to get the eternal life because His grace!
In my home church in Korea used to go out to spread the Gospel on Easter Sunday right after the services. We brought bulletin written for evangelism to the people. I was shy sometimes, could not go to say a word to tell them about my Jesus. However, I did try give the bulletin at least and say "Jesus loves you and please accept Jesus as your Savior." Whether we are six years old or eighty years old, we all went to outside right after Easter service. It was our tradition of Easter. I miss that tradition. I miss that passion about the Gospel, and Jesus our Lord. How about me right now? Tomorrow is Easter. I pray that my heart is filled with the joy of salvation through Jesus Christ that I can't be still not to talk about Jesus anyone! God is the still living God. Let's tell people, show people how lively He is alive! Jesus, I want to celebrate Your victory, your love and grace!!

Impossible

I could not figure it out what was wrong tonight. I could not find out still. I never have felt this strange in my life with any kinds of musical worship service, or performances. I could not think of anything else than being powerless. It is different feeling from feeling failure. I could feel like there was nothing what I have prayed for. However, I could feel that I had to go out and pray for others somehow, I did. My hearts was aching so bad with something that could not be explained. I knew something bothering me for a while but could not find what it is still. What should I pray for? I have been confessing and repenting but still have struggle to find any answers. Father, what should I do? I even have prayed if He wants me to leave His ministry, I will obey. I do not want to hear people say " The music was beautiful", or "it sounds wonderful." I rather want to hear " I met Jesus tonight" or "I could feel His presence". Am I looking for a wrong answer? Am I being greedy to get right comments? no....I do not need to hear anything from people, however, I long for God's voice. That is it. I could not hear him tonight. I could tell that last year lessons and carols service, I could hear Him so clearly. However, I could not hear His voice tonight. That is why I have been struggle that I might need stop what I do for living right now.
The truth is.... I am feeling that I am nothing. Maybe it is God's plan to let me recognize my problem that I can't do anything by myself. I am impossible in anything without Him. Is this what God wants to learn through tonight? or are there something else? I could not sleep.

Lenten Sketches

Tomorrow, our church choir will do our Lenten Cantata called " The Lenten Sketches" by Joseph Martin. The cantata is consisted of six movements with Jesus' last week of His earthly life. The music is not difficult but beautifully composed with good text. I love the last movement called "Pieta". It describes how Mary holds Jesus after His death as a mother with a baby, and sings a lullaby. It brings me tears every moment. Mary was a mom even though she knew Jesus was a Son of God. She nursed, and raised him as a mom. Jesus was the Son of God but totally a human. He was also a child of Mary. I thought that it does not match with the Holy week with too much human emotion at first time but became loving them with honesty emotion. I am not sure how people will response to the Cantata tomorrow night. But I have been praying that God will send people who need to reconcile with Him as a children of our Father. This cantata is my third one in Richmond Hill UMC. I can't believe how fast the time went by. I have hoped that this musical worship service has been glorifying God and sharing His grace and love to people. As I pray, may the Lord shines upon His love and grace throughout this Holy week especially tomorrow night through the special worship service. Lord, please receive our offering of hearts and love!

Arts

When I was in forth grade at an elementary school, I took private lessons with an artist, who was a senior in college and very good. I learned basic sketches and waterpainting. I found myself that I could paint for four straight hours without even complaining it was boring. Also, the teacher helped me to open my eyes to see things in different ways; such as I used to paint only black on people's hair, and he showed me how various colors were combined one person's hair. After an year of painting, I fell in love painting, wanted to go on deeper but my dad did not like me to go on. I could understand why now. However, I was very disappointed that I had to stop going the lesson. I love to see good arts, especially paints. I could get comforted, delighted, and inspired by those too. I used to visit exhibitions in museums often. Nowadays, I do not have much time to go somewhere, so I visit their web site to taste those beautiful pictures. It is a wonderful that I could do that at least. God gives a number of talents and gifts to people to share them to others, and glorify Him. An ability to paint well is a certainly wonderful talent.

My mom has started painting after my dad passed away. She really wanted to learn and age of 72, started taking lessons of painting. She was born with a talent I insist. She also has shared with me that when she paints, she does not feel lonely, or bored.

Arts open my heart and take me to a different imaginary world in the arts.

After I heard the sermon today, I thought about Rambrandt's painting, went to the website. In summer 1994, I went to Armsterdam, Netherland. I had a chance to visit Rambrandt's house. It was a humble, and old house, but I could feel his wonderful views toward people based on the Bible. He was a good christian, read the Bible everyday. I do still remember seeing his old big bible which showed how much he loved reading it. His paintings are such an inspiration especially the pencil paints are just gorgeous. I want to visit again his house someday.

It is Spring. We can observe God's arts everywhere. He is the best artist. We can enjoy His master pieces around us especially this season. I want to open my eyes one more time to see the world in His vision, sight, and heart.

Welcome March!

It has been a long and cold winter. Even though March arrived, it is still unusually cold. However, I could smell and feel arriving of Spring. I saw beautiful bloomed deffodils this morning as my routine walking with Angie. I also found several new buds on the trees. Spring will arrive soon like a queen. We are already heading to the third weeks of Lent. Time flies. If we are not aware of where we are now, the time will fly by faster without any marks. Time is gift from God. I want to be able to use this gift as worthy as possible.

I pray that I open my eyes, ears, and heart to the Lord, and live by His Spirit.Let's obey, yes, obedience is the key of living by His Spirit. Let's trust Him truly with all my heart, yes, trusting is the key of living by faith. Let's love, yes, loving is the key of winning the world. Beyond all, let's confess that we can't do anything ourselves. We need HIM.

Gold Medal

I am not a sports fan, but I have been watching the winter Olympic game with my family this week. While I was watching epsecially figure sketings, I could feel the pain in my heart for the people who fell at the performances. As a performer, I could understand 100% how they would feel. They must have spent days and nights in practices to get better and make a fine performance for that day. However, stuff happenes. I do not think that it is because of their lack of practices, talents, or even luck. It just happens without a doubt. Most people try to find reasons why it happens, or to find reasons to blame. Audience and the world are very cold and sharp. They do not accept excuses or behind stories for the failures. The performer can't get a medal for sure.
On the other hand, I am so grateful that God does not give medals due to how we perform. Especially, falling is not that matter. After all, falling can be even a good thing because we get better and stronger to hold His hand tighter. And the most important thing is there is no failure in Christ! Because He already won the gold medal for us. We sometimes misunderstood that our goal is achiving the gold medal in our lives. I believe that God does not even think about the gold medal which is already achieved. He thinks about our journey to get to the final line. Like Paul, we race to get an award by God but it is not the award for the gold medal. I think that the award is for finishing the race with our best effort. Beyond that, the race itself is even not mine, it is all His!

Again!

I do not like to postpone stuff personally. I know how painful it is to be uncomfortable in mind if there is something I have to do it right away. That was also a good habit to finish my course work and qualifying exams without delaying with two little children and a partime job when I was Bloomington. I was kind of boastful that I rather facing the things right away than postponing with heavy burden in my heart. However, it was a totally wrong thought about myself because I have been postponing to finish my doctorate degree with an unwritten dissertation.
Last year Lent, I made my mind that I would write at least couple of pages every day during Lent to finish the dissertation but it never happened. After that, I even did not try to open my dissertation file from my document, look, or read any source for that. I put it all under somewhere that I even do not see near by. Even though it stinks to think about it, I avoided thinking about it and did not want to start again. I know that I will enjoy studying, reading, and even writing if I start again. But a fear was what if I again fail to continue like last year.
Even though I am not that briliant or smart, God gave me a good part that I do work hard. My excuse has been my work. I honestly did not have much time to sit and think about my dissertation at all for two years. I even have not slept that much to keep up with my work, kids, and housework. But, I've got to do what I've got to do. Here we go again, I have started studying for my dissertation again today. I just wrote a full one page only today but read some more, and opened my file again. I know... I might fail again to finish 100 pages of my dissertation but I have prayed may the Lord give me His wisdom and strength that I do not make any excuses in here and there that I am tired, busy, and do not have a moment to do it. Somehow, I can tell that the Holy Spirit within me is happy that I decided to face to what I need to do.
Lent is the time to get nearer to Jesus by praying, reading, meditating, and practicing His love and teachings. For me, this year Lent will be nearer to Jesus by writing my dissertation. :)
I need lots of prayers for sure. God is the one who has been the main support to get me through until this moment in my education, and I want to pursue what He has offered me in the best way.

Covered Ears

Whenever I read Acts, I am amazed how the Holy Spirit worked through the apostles and how different people's responses to the message of Gospel. Especially, the story of Stephen's persecution gives me deep thoughts. When Peter spread the gospel boldly at the first time right after Pentecost, lots of people responsed with deep rependent "When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?" (Acts 2:37) However, when Stephen was testifying Jesus, people even did not want to hearit and stoned him to die. "At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, dragged him out of the city and began to stone him." (Act 7:57) Why did people respond totally opposite? Was that matter of difference of Peter and Stephen's messages? Was Peter better than Stephen? Was not Stephen in the Holy Spirit? No, not at all.
Both of them were fully in the Holy Spirit and the messages were both same about Jesus Christ, the Gospel. As I saw both, particularly Stephen was full of mercy and love of God toward those people who even stoned him to death. We can't judge or determin that only certain one was the work of God. It leads me to in deep thoughts about myself and people's hearts. I sometimes try to determine God's work through people's responses. If I do not see people's positive responses to God's work through me, I become either guilty that I am not filled by the Holy Spirit, or not well prepared in prayers. However, God keeps telling me that I do not have a right to even determine by people's response. If we see after Stephen's persecution, there were countless things happened by the Holy Spirit through the persecution, including Saul becoming Paul and so on. My eyes are so narrow that can't see further than an inch.
People who lived in two thousand years ago were very same as now people live in 21 century. Even though people looked better in some ways under civilization process in this modern world, it seems we are worse. Paul's describtion in 2 Timothy 3 about people shows well. "Peopel will be loversof themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power-Have nothing to do with then." It scares me deeply because it describes exactly who we are now in many ways. We do not cover our ears outside like what they did to Stephen, and we come to church on Sundays, and do stuff in form of godliness. However, do we believe in power of Holy Spirit? I am not saying that I am not one of us. I am one of us. I need to repent deeply that I have lived powerlessly as a christian. "Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison. Lord, please have mercy on us and open our ears!"

Abraham

My Joanne had her tonsil remove surgery last Tuesday. Even though the surgery is considered as safe and easy, it was not that easy on me. I never put my children to any surgeries before so it was a anxious moment for me. I can tell that I am a brave person who am not afraid of being cut, or poked but I am a very weak person who am afraid of seeing her child being cut or poked for sure. The anxiety was not from my lack of faith. It was matter of denial of my parentship.
I had a moment to give up on my parentshipe to God totally when Christine was born. I had 45 hours of labor with her, ended up having C section. Not only that, right after the birth, I had a deep postpartum depression. I was worried totally about how I can keep the fragile new born baby in safe. One thing was surely helping me a lot to get rid of the fear and worries was prayer. Through the prayer, I could see who is the Ruler and King, so I could give up on the parentshood over the baby with faith.
However, I did not have a chance to think about it with Joanne. She was the second one, so I was not afraid of anything about birth, baby, or even the depression. Also, I delivered her naturally with God's enormous grace and peace. She was an easier one than the first one in many ways and so strong and full of confidence in her personality. Basically, I haven't worried about her much at all. That was why I had more difficult time with this a small surgery. I never had a chance to have a moment of giving up the parentship with her to God totally.
I confessed my weakness and sinful nature of being a typical mom, and thought about Abraham at the waiting room in the surgical center. I honestly knew how faithful Abraham was throughout his life trusting God. However, in my deep mind, I was questioning why he was called a father of faith. Somehow, I could agree about Abraham being considered as a father of faith and why God loved him so much even though he made lots of mistakes in his life. In Genesis we can find why. He always just trust God without any questionswhenever God asked him something to do. Especially when God asked him to sacrifice Issac to Him, Abraham did not ask even one question why, or doubted about who God was. And he just simply obeyed. I think Issac was the most precious one for him. But he just obeyed what God told him to do. I even could not imagine how Abraham felt at the scene about to kill Issac.

Even though it was a small surgery, I have felt that God asked me total denial of parentship on my children, and showed me that I do not have any power to control over anything for them. However, I am deeply grateful that I could give up totally with trust on Him who is the perfect, Almighty, and loving Father.

Indulgent

I do not like a word, "indulge". Well.. it may be because of my lack of understanding American culture, or English itself. However, I do not like the word. The word gives me negative image of powerless Christians. I have thought about how to live as a good Christian in this world, found several causes to make believers powerless. One of them is this self indulgent. I think that it is easy to compromise between indulgent and acceptance. We compromise to make things easy on ourselves in every single moment in our daily life; making reasonable excuses, being comfortable, being easy and so on. For me, it is a true challenge to discern and not to judge in many occasions. For example, people do not come to church on Sunday because it is cold, they are tired, and somewhere to go and so on. They send me e-mails or leave messages to let me know why they missed worship service. I usually respond that I miss them and hopefully they are coming back next time. However, I honestly feel very sad often that people even do not realize that it is not right. I rather want to tell them " You should have come no matter what... because this is the day to worship the Lord."

It is also same toward "prayer". "Oh... I am too busy to kneel. By the way, God is love. He knows what my heart is. He blesses me always. I am very happy now, so I am good. So, I do not need to pray. "I do not want to judge people because I am also one of the people. That is why I do not like indulgent. We make so many excuses to be reasonable, but hardly repent. We do not want to accept that we are sinners without God's grace. My feet are so fast toward running away from the Lord, and finding something else than the truth.

Hearing and learning about John Wesley's life and the Methodist origin yesterday made me sad with thinking of how the origin has changed in many ways. However, I found an important fact through the class.The Holy Spirit is the answer to renew our powerless lives as Christians. When Jon Wesley had an experience of the Spirit, his life was changed totally. His sermon became powerful and working in people's hearts, and he started ministering effectively. How can we get people having desire to be filled by the Holy Spirit? how? How can we chose not to indulge ourselves but to chose to obey God's commands?

I do know one thing to do; pray for His Holy Spirit to fill us wholly, fully! If we want to get filled by the Holy Spirit, He always fill within us. Sadly, it is matter of our hearts whether we desire or not. I pray that we all desire to be.

Grow in His Spirit, be fruiteful to glorify Him!

God has given me a new motto in 2010: " Grow in God's Spirit, and bear fruitful!" I pray that I grow more in His Spirit to not only deeper my knowledge to know Him, but also bear fruits of His Spirit to glorify Him throughout my life. In Colossians Paul prayed for people in Colosse that " ...we have not stopping praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the king of light." (Colossians 1:9-12)

I am very excited to start 2010 to observe how He will lead me. I will continue to have intimate time with God every morning with His words and prayers, also keep on praying for others and His kingdom and righteousness.

I have lived forty years in this world. Now, it is time to get mature deeply so whenever God tells me to do, I can obey Him without hesitation whatever God says.

Life is fragile and short! I need to handle with prayers for sure.

I pray that I can have more kneeling time to the Lord, more meditation with His words, more actions to obey His will, more sincere hearts to Him, more being sensitive to His Spirit, and more love Him. I love you, Lord!!