Abraham

My Joanne had her tonsil remove surgery last Tuesday. Even though the surgery is considered as safe and easy, it was not that easy on me. I never put my children to any surgeries before so it was a anxious moment for me. I can tell that I am a brave person who am not afraid of being cut, or poked but I am a very weak person who am afraid of seeing her child being cut or poked for sure. The anxiety was not from my lack of faith. It was matter of denial of my parentship.
I had a moment to give up on my parentshipe to God totally when Christine was born. I had 45 hours of labor with her, ended up having C section. Not only that, right after the birth, I had a deep postpartum depression. I was worried totally about how I can keep the fragile new born baby in safe. One thing was surely helping me a lot to get rid of the fear and worries was prayer. Through the prayer, I could see who is the Ruler and King, so I could give up on the parentshood over the baby with faith.
However, I did not have a chance to think about it with Joanne. She was the second one, so I was not afraid of anything about birth, baby, or even the depression. Also, I delivered her naturally with God's enormous grace and peace. She was an easier one than the first one in many ways and so strong and full of confidence in her personality. Basically, I haven't worried about her much at all. That was why I had more difficult time with this a small surgery. I never had a chance to have a moment of giving up the parentship with her to God totally.
I confessed my weakness and sinful nature of being a typical mom, and thought about Abraham at the waiting room in the surgical center. I honestly knew how faithful Abraham was throughout his life trusting God. However, in my deep mind, I was questioning why he was called a father of faith. Somehow, I could agree about Abraham being considered as a father of faith and why God loved him so much even though he made lots of mistakes in his life. In Genesis we can find why. He always just trust God without any questionswhenever God asked him something to do. Especially when God asked him to sacrifice Issac to Him, Abraham did not ask even one question why, or doubted about who God was. And he just simply obeyed. I think Issac was the most precious one for him. But he just obeyed what God told him to do. I even could not imagine how Abraham felt at the scene about to kill Issac.

Even though it was a small surgery, I have felt that God asked me total denial of parentship on my children, and showed me that I do not have any power to control over anything for them. However, I am deeply grateful that I could give up totally with trust on Him who is the perfect, Almighty, and loving Father.