December

It is already Dec. 26th today. I was so busy that could not stay in front of my computer to update my blog! Also, one of reasons is poor service of our internet connection at my office. It has been very busy but a special and blessed month for sure. We had the service of Lessons and Carols with eight different groups involved to lift up our heart to our New Born King. I loved the worship service myself. Not because of how music or other group performed but because I could worship Him and feel people's hearts to God. I prayed a lot for the service that God may bring the lost even one to the worship service and had gotten confidence that God did even though I did not know who they were.
Emmanuel, God is with us, is miracle and grace. How could God come to us! As Philppians 2;5-11." Jesus made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, and he humbled himself, and became obedient to death, even death on the cross! ", Jesus showed us how to live in this world. He did not come to in a recognizable place, or even average place. He came to the lowest place to be. How could I be then proud? Even Jesus was humble! How could I insist that I deserve better life than right now? How dare!

As I prepared this year Christmas, in one point I was grumpy and sad with my finacial situations and became sad. I was grateful for myself but not very grateful for my kids. Because I could not afford to buy what they wrote in their lists. Also, I was not happy that I could not buy presents to people I wanted to give certain stuff. I looked again around me. That was my weakness! I should not have looked around me. I should have looked up, the Lord who is always faithful to me. Thankfully, God reminded me why I became sad and asked me instead " What have you prepared to me, on my Christmas this year?". Whoops....I felt sorry that I even did not think hard enough what I was going to give Him. I prayed and confessed how weak I have been and my sinful heart. And asked Him " What do you want me to give you, Lord?" The answer was very simple but amazing. "Praise". He wanted me to praise Him. I do praise Him everyday, all the time but He wanted me to praise Him special one. So, I decided to sing solo at Christmas eve services. I personally do not like to sing in front of people by myself, especially, on special occasions. Especially I thought that singing "O Holy Night" at that service was not meaningful because people usually considered as one of kind songs should be heard on Christmas, making people Christmasy. I do not like my singing being considered "Christmasy" music. However, I prayed Him that I really wanted to lift up my heart to Him. On 23rd, I started having sore throat badly, could not swallow anything but a medicine and water. At Christmas Even dawn prayer, I prayed Him that if I do not have a voice, I will not sing but please receive my heart. However, I had a voice and sang through it. I did not care whether it sounded great or not but did prayed that my heart praising Him only. I just love Him so deeply and am thankful that He wants me to praise Him. I cried that night because of His incredible gift, Himself! I do not deserve to have Him but He loved me first and came down for me. What an amazing love!

I want to spend some time to repent my sins in 2009 and think back in details to give thanks in details before the last day of 2009.

Most of all, my resolution in 2009 has been completed in some ways. My personal motto was "Nearer to God" in 2009. God has been restoring me in prayers, His words, and communication that I clearly distinguish His voice and follow Him without doubt. I still doubt and get confused but I have gotten so much better this year. I am very excited about 2010 that How God will lead me and my family.
May the Lord be with you all as Emmanuel!