Looking back for a year of my life.

It has been one year since my kids and I moved down to Richmond Hill. I had a moment to look back my first year. I could tell you that it wasn't easy at all. Some people say "you work for the music. just music". Well.... just music! I can not explain if you think it is just music. I choose an anthem, and hymns for sundays basically but also, prepare rehearsals for the chancel choir with 6-7 songs for every Wednesday night, 2-3 songs for the youth handbell, children's choir, the youth choir, the adult handbell, and youth ensemble. It is not easy to find "just music". I have to listen, play, sing, and related to seasonal, or scriptures of that week. There are tons of music in our world. Some are not very good. So, I spend lots of times to find out which ones are good and suitable for our choirs. I have found many regretful things that I did not do well but also, I found some good things too. One of regretful things is not having enough prayer time. If I don't pray, my music most of time doesn't work if you believe or not. So, I will pray more and more for God's presence through our music ministries.
Also, I still don't have many friends. I have tried hard but people don't open their hearts like my friends from Indiana. I will try harder this year to open first and invite people more in my life. Who knows? I will say I made many good friends next year in second year anniversary?

Life is not easy. no. However, beyond all that, God is with me with His endless love. I should remember that.

Wishing for getting away

I did not go any vacation since a summer in 2007. I think I need a good break, a real break; no one bothers me, or ask me to fix their breakfast, lunch, & dinner and I just sit and watch the waves endlessly and breath and smell salty ocean.
I have been stress out lately with my work and getting a house. I want to get away somewhere to refresh myself. I need to have some real time off.
How can it happen?

Let's breath in and breath out and move on, Yoon!

My dad.

I miss my dad and mom deeply lately. I haven't seen my mom for more than two years. She came often to help me out with my girls when they were little after my dad passed away. However, the previous visit was bitter for her. She got seriously ill and the doctors diagnosed her wrong and almost killed her. I don't blame her to be afraid of coming here to see us.
I grew up as only daughter even though I have my older brother. I think I was pretty spoiled because my mom even fed me until I got married. She cooked, cleaned, and took care of me like a child. In Korea, we live with our parents until we get married. It is common really. However, I didn't cook or help my mom everyday. I was just a loved girl at home. I loved to being with my parents so, I came home quickly after the school even during the college years. I was totally a daddy's girl. My dad loved to talk. He had enormous stories to share with me and my mom always. We talked and talked a lot. Whenever I talked, he laughed always. I don't know what made him laugh but he laughed a lot to me. I could see those laughs from my husband toward my girls now. We held hands a lot too. My dad had the most smooth hands ever as a man. He was a scholar so, he didn't do much work at outside. No...he never worked outside as I remembered. He usually wrote books, read, or prepared lectures. Or..watching dramas with tears. He had also the most sweet heart. He cried a lot with other people's pain. I remembered that my mom never cried because of drama from TV but my dad always. My parents were best friends each other. They always got up early and talked. Whenever we went on vacation, they walked very early morning with holding hands and talked endlessly. I could understand how much my mom misses my dad as a company. I have felt very blessed to have good parents who had deep and opened mind and insight. They let me dream unlimited. Oh... how much I miss them. I see my dad sometimes in my dream. He was sick for more than ten years last period of his life but I could tell that he loved this world so much. He enjoyed every single tree, flower, green grass, sky, a sip of wine with tasty bread, and life of variety people. I wish he still lives in the earth with me. I know that he must have been very proud of me right now. However, I am very thankful that I had my dad. I miss his laughs so much today.

Korean Thanksgiving Day

The Korean Thanksgiving Day is next Sunday, Sept.14th this year. It is called "Chu-seok" or "Hangawee". You might know "Harvest Moon festival". It is one of biggiest holidays in Korea. the date is depended on when August 15th in the moon calendar each year. That day has a full moon and we call the harvest moon. We all take off three days as a holiday. However, people take more than three days because of the traffic. Most people go home to see their family members. So, the traffic is unbelievable. People get together have a ceremony to show their thankful hearts to their ancestors or Christians' family have services with their families in the morning. And have feasts with new crops of food. Hmmm..... delicious food. Especially, at Chu-seok we make "Song-pean" -the first picture. It is made up of sweet rice powder and sesame and honey or all kinds of goodies are inside of the rice cake. Also, we wear new clothes! we call "Chu-seok-bim". Some people like to wear the traditional Korean "Hanbok" that day too. At night, people gather outside where they can see the harvest moon, and sing songs, and dance originally.

In my family, my dad was the first son in his family, so, all his side families came to our home at Chu-seok. He had two brothers, and five sisters. Think about how many people would be with their spouses and kids!! So, the preparation for the chuseok was started a week ahead of time. I remember that my mom and aunts got together three days before the day to cook and prepare the feast. Luckily, I never had bad memories about any traffic because we lived in Seoul and they came to us. ^^ I had to get up extra early to help my mom to clean up and set the tables for the big ceremony. When my grandma was alive and Buddhist, we used to have the ceremony to give big bows to the ancestors as you can see the first picture. After my grandma became a christian, we didn't have the ceremony but we had a service around the table instead. I had to baby sit some my little cousins but still loved the Chu-seok.

I haven't been at the Chu-seok for 12 years. However, I have made "Song pean" every year believe or not. I am not sure I can make it this year. I have to go buy special ingredients for it. Most of all, I miss being with many family members. Endless smiling, chatting, and of course food. I could still smell the morning of the Chu-seok at my parents' house. Abundant smells of Sweet, delicious, and full of excitement! But, most of all, our thankful hearts!!

Which party are you in ?

People say don't talk about politics or religion with your friends unless you don't want to be a friend anymore with that person. I agree totally. But, I want to talk about politics today. Lately, two national party conventions have got people's attention. It is very interesting to hear and see how people think and react to each other as a third person.
I am a very conservative person as well as very liberal literally. If you search for both words; conservative and liberal, you never know how the words have been used in real meaning in States lately. I couldn't tell why the meanings are so different from the dictionaries. However, I meant I am conservative and liberal due to the meanings from the dictionary. I have yearned and prayed for being a good Christian who follows Jesus well to love another. I think it is very very hard to live with open-hearted but not negotiate with evil or covered evil things. It is hard to distinguish which one is good or bad in countless circumstance. How can I know? How? Only answer I could get is "Live like Jesus". Jesus was totally a great model to think about. Then, how? I don't know honestly. I do know that I follow His directions and ask Him to give me His Spirit to guide me as well as me to obey completely.
So, If you ask me which party I am in, I would say party of "Jesus". Do you want to be in?

Welcome, September!

We are in already September! Because of my 12 years of being student in the U.S., September meant "New semester". I know some people living in Bloomington might not agree with me but I loved the first week of a semester. It was totally unpredictable, energetic, and of course chaotic. Hmmm.... I miss so much being there with the youth full of energy and in-matured Spirits. Also, the weather starts to change with cool and crispy breeze in the early morning and night. I used to attend "dawn prayer" meeting in a Korean church and remember so clearly fresh air with sun-rising sky around 6:00 in the morning. Oh~! how much I miss.
People might think of me as "workaholic" but I truly miss being so busy with full schedules for studying, working, kids, and church. I couldn't even get to eat or sleep. I used to wake up at 3:30 at night to catch up stuff to read for the classes. However, I don't want to go back honestly, even though I miss terribly. One thing I really miss is "yearning for the Lord". Even though I couldn't sleep more than five hours, I went to the prayer meeting everyday with full of expectation what God would lead me everyday. Expectation with excitement with the Lord is missing lately in my life.
I do really want to renew myself with the Lord in September! I pray that my dreams and visions in the Lord will restore vividly.