I am nothing without You, Lord!

It is not easy to deny myself. It is not easy to admit and surrender completely my ownership to the Lord. I say it often very often but not completely.

As I shared previously, I am facing filing major things in my life lately. Both requires not only complicated paper works but also financial issue. If you see how much the US government requires for application fee and other stuff, you will be very surprised. I am not complaining but honestly worried how I am going to get through this part without hesitations.

My daily calendar has everyday God's word and today's word is " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I don't think it is coincident to have the word. If I surrender everything to Him, I must have not been worried. Right?

I am confessing again " Lord, I am nothing without You! I surrender all to You. "

Learning from having a dog

I have learned a lot how God, our heavenly Father, would feel since I have my two girls. I have more felt His hearts toward His children as a parent truly more.

I also have been learning how stubborn and dumb I am through my dog, Angie's behavior lately.

Angie knows that she will choke badly if she drags herself the end of the leash but she keeps doing it. Also, she knows that she will be in a big trouble if she eats bad things, but she eats anyway.

I hope I am wise and disciplined so I can stop when God tells me to stop. Honestly, I can hear Him most of times saying "Yoon, stop it! it is not helping you at all.'' I do anyway and regret. How dumb I am!

Well.... Beyond all these, there are Grace and Mercy from the Father. That is why I am still alive.

Cravings

Always...it happens.

Whenever I am stressed out something, I want to eat 'junk food'. The craving goes sometimes irresistibly bad. I had that craving again this morning for McDonald's breakfast sandwich with a iced coffee. I drove to the church but couldn't stop thinking about it and went out again to get the thing. I know it is not good for me but I had to have it this morning. It reminded me "evil desire" from yesterday scripture. Of course, I confessed.

On the other hand, I have thought about my real craving after I finished the sandwich. I might have craved for "soul food" not "junk food". Even though I finished the thing, I have felt still empty. It is definitely not for the food, but something for my Spirit.

I should have been able to distinguish which one I crave for. I think I knew it was not for the food but I ignored. I need to obey to Holy Spirit whenever it happens. I knew better. However, I am thankful that God reminds me always what I should do. I need to kneel again to confess that I am nothing without You, Lord.

Evil desire.

but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
(James 1:14-15, NIV)

Well,...I am not talking about really evil desire such as stealing, lying, or adulteries. I am trying to talking about what can be my evil desire which makes me tempted, dragged away and enticed. I had a moment this morning which made me upset and sad. It was dragged me away and enticed for a while. However, I heard clear God's voice that it was from my evil desire! So, I confessed my evil desire and decided to stop to think about it. Instead, God reminded me how God has been faithful to me and my family. He literally said to me " Have I ever steered you wrong?". No, Lord.
It is very hard to understand why someone gets better teachers than my kids'. And when I heard that some kids who have many connections in the school got into the same class with a good teacher, I felt so powerless and angry. My first reaction was betrayed, unfairness, and angry. However, none of them was not from God, I knew. 'How do you know, that teacher is the best for your child, Yoon? Tell me? I heard your prayers and I know better than anybody else, Yoon. Why did you compare to other people again?'. But, Lord, I felt so...unfair still. I confessed that I am just a typical mom who wants her kids to have the best. And God reminded me again that He is a typical Father, who gives His children best. I should have recognized sooner!! I lifted my hands again to the Lord today that I am nothing totally without Him. I am just a saved sinner by His mercy and grace.

Here is our new family member, Angie!

Here is our new family member, Angie!
We adopted her from Save a life. She is 5 month old, wired hair terrier mixed. She is already house trained, and crate trained. She has learned four tricks already after adopted!

Decision, Decision!!

Two of very important things in my life have been processing at the same time lately. That was why I haven't been able to write often. We are buying a house. Well.... I know, most people has their houses. I haven't. We lived a humble apartment on campus for 12 years as students. The apartment covered all utilities and basic cable TV and most, was on campus. So, we didn't have to worry anything. If you remember how it was for you to buy the first one, you might understand me. We were looking for one for several months through web site, visiting, and driving by. We like to stay near kids' school so, we limited the subdivision to choose. Anyway, I signed a contract last night. And there are tons of paper works to fill for the mortgage company. Another one is filling for green card application. This one is more complicated and annoying too. I know there are many people cheat their histories, documents to get the green cards. So, the department became ridiculously strict. I don't blame them. However, I am well educated, honest, and pretty nice. They will not regret to give me one for sure.

Both two major things have made me think more seriously about "trust" and "listening" to the Lord. Honestly, I couldn't hear Him saying "that is your house, Yoon, go get it!". However, I have had a deep peace when I entered the house. I still need to go through the process to get the house as well as the green card. However, I believe whether I will get them or not, I am 100% sure that my God is faithful and gives me best. He has been. I just need to remember!! So, I lift my hands to praise and show Him that I am not mine. I am Yours!!