Post Christmas

The Season of Christmas has been a little bit different for me. When I lived in Korea, most Korean churches have Christmas day worship services in the morning on 25th. Especially when I was in a high school choir and adult choir, we had a caroling tour for all night on 24th. Due to my church size and members were from all over area near Seoul, we rent huge buses to go to the caroling. We put the announcement in a bulletin to make routes among those people's houses which usually took all night to be covered. We started caroling from nursing homes and hospitals near the church which is located in downtown Seoul around 5:00 PM on 24th, and sang whole night visiting those houses who registered through the church. We arrived at the church early morning on 25th without sleeping but sang at the service in the choir loft for the Christmas service. The challenge was how to be awake during the service especially the sermon time. However, we managed to do all those things and came home after the service. That was my Christmas experience in early youth era. Christmas was not centered to family at all, but church.
I still remembered the first Christmas 1996 in Indiana. Jason and I were singing at a church near the campus and it was not a Korean church. We did have sing on 24th Christmas eve service as choir members, and came to our apartment. No one invited us to anything but us, and all the stores were closed, and snowed a lot. Jason was very sad next morning that even did not want to get up with this total different shocking culture of Christmas day. I made a dish for us to cheer him up but still it was lonely and different. We learned how Americans do Christmas. Following year, we joined a Korean church, and had some dinner gathering and services but it was not like "our Christmas" in Korea.
For over 16 years, I have learned many things about cultures of Christmas in the States but still could not say I have the best one.
What do I miss? and what do I look for?

While reading an article in a newspaper this morning about how much people have become anti Christianity especially in this Season, I have saddened deeply. In the time square, an American atheist group put a huge sign saying "keep the Merry, but dump the Myth" with two comparison pictures of Santa and Jesus on the cross. Also Moron put a sign nearby saying "Christmas is love family, Jesus Christ." I don't think that the signs are not representing what people believe in but still have felt heavy responsibility as a Christian.
As we all know, Jesus came to this World not in the palace, or even a common family household. He was born in an unexpected place ever. Not only the birth but also the death was in the worst place ever.And through His unexpected life style, we learn how to live as Christians. But still I don't think we get the teaching what we should pursue and live as His followers.
I have a confession to make about my dream Christmas. I truly want my Christmas to be perfect in many ways; beautiful music worship service, nicely decorated trees and poinsettias, scented candles, beautifully dressed people, candle lights, warm and cozy night, red and green papers wrapped gifts with big bows, loving family dinner, and maybe snow even. Interestingly none of those were in the Bible or especially in the Nativity scene; a cold night without heating, smelly barn, animals, inexperienced young mother and father, a baby and its crying, dirty and smelly clothed shepherds, and even a manger.
I have asked myself these questions seriously. Do I really look for the real Christian life? Do I pursue the Life that Jesus showed us?

All IN

One of my daughters shared with me how frustrated she was when she was facing unfair treatment from one of her teachers. She cried while she was telling. I hugged her and shared that life is unfair and it is. We need to learn the unfairness is not our fault, and just move on. The conversation went further with a question how she could love someone who treats her unfairly without affection. And she started complaining how hard to live as a Christian. I nodded my head, told her that it is hard to live as a believer in Jesus, and even Jesus warned us many times through the Gospel that it is not going to be easy.
Lately, I have thought about problems among most Christians right now. Especially watching the process for election lately my thought has wondered why it is so hard to live as Christians without compromising, making excuses but with ALL IN.
We have become too smart to put all in in our faith. We say that our first priority is God but we decide to go to see the football game on Sundays. We say that we are Christians but actually we are Christians when we want to be in many circumstances. I use "we" because I have found myself and others, brothers and sisters in Christ around me living that way.
John warned us through the Revelation to the church in Laodicea,

".....These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. ¹⁵ I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. ¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."

 

Jesus already gave us an answer how we are ALL IN.

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. ²⁶ What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? (Matthew 16:24-26)

 

why is it so hard to live in complete obedience, complete ALL IN with whole our hearts to love God and follow?

When we do live with ALL IN at JESUS, I believe that something must have been different around us.

 

 

BQQ challenges

It has been a very busy but focused month, September. After sharing my motto of this year (2012-2013) at the choir retreat, I truly have been trying my best to apply my motto; BQQ. Best quality, best quantity to God. I asked a same question like a habit whenever I have moment; "Am I doing my best in this situation spending time?" Interestingly, a majority of killing time has been disappeared; such as watching funny shows through Internet, spending time at Facebook etc. Most of all,  reminding myself to live my best to glorify God in each moment has made benefit on relationship. I even remind myself the question while I am with my girls. It has helped me refocus on conversations, and listing carefully. And when I listen carefully with my full attention, I noticed that I remember better and think of the conversation often afterwards. It helps to understand and pray more for the person too.
Someone asked me how come I came up with the motto. It is a long story but short; I have realized how evil gets people to loose focus on spending things, time, energy, and value in sneaky ways. Technology is a great thing if we use it wisely, as well as all others. However, it is so easy to be fallen into 'blank mind' that we just are there without our conscious. For example, having a smart phone is a great advantage for many purposes, but it becomes a habit to open it without a particular reason and look at some web site while sitting next to someone who is your friend. You might say 'what is wrong with that?' It does not require wrong or right answers; it just a value thing. If we don't take the phone out, what would happen? We might talk to the person. I know it is 50/50 but still there is a more chance than the other case. I think that evil plans in clever ways to make people even being noticed in many ways to loose value in worth; relationship with God, and others, wasting time without conscious.
I could tell you that it is not easy to even discern or recognize what I have spent a day with.

Apostle Paul alerted us in his letters repeatedly as well as Jesus told us to be alert in the Gospel. "making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what 'the will of the Lord' is." (Ephesians 5:16-17).

Life is too short to waste our valuable times to unworthy things. This life is given only once and it will be passing like wind without even our notice.

Back to back ministry

While praying for my church and music ministry this morning, God has given me a image of "back to back" ministry. I often image about a team work as holding hands together. However, God showed me this morning that instead of holding hands together in a circle, we need to be in circle in back to back position as a team minstry. I was thinking why it should be in back to back position and got answers. First of all, we can cover other's back and ourselves better. If we look each other holding hands, our backs are not covered any. And it is not helping to move forward but rather inward. Secondly, we can also get supports more in strong ways from others back. If you think about it, when we lean each other back to back, it helps you to maintain strength. Even though one or two people can get tired standing straight, the others can hold them up still. Last, we can work without worries because we have strong supporting team members. Sadly, I have felt sometime lonely doing works. I could not see how is covering my blindside in many cases. It will prevent that problem!

So, I have started praying with a clear picture in my head; we are in circle back to back holding hands. It gives me strength even to think about it. Let's stand back to back. Our battle is not flash and blood!

" For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12. I am ready now! how about you?

Really?

A couple of weeks ago, there was a sermon about inclusive. Well... our church is very open to diversities for sure; there are people from more than 40 different countries attending the church. The council always makes clear that "inclusive" in all ministries not only racially but also any kinds. We talked about issues learned from a movie" Remember the Titans". The pastor challenged congregation that we need to go further deeper to accept others as part of their families because people are nice to others. On that day, there was a luncheon followed, the pastor intentionally told them that he expected to see tables filled with various people.

I have been working here for almost two years. I shared with other people how different southern cultures from Indiana where I used to live for more than a decade. My first year in southern GA was lonely. I hardly get a phone call during weekends, or holidays. I noticed that it was not intention that they didn't invite me to their families or circles, they just never been with others like me before so they did not know that I was alone. My children had same problems, hardly got invited to birthday parties or play dates. I prayed hard for God's guidance. So, I started inviting people into my home for dinner, or hang out. They did not become my close friends but still came for my house. Some of them became closer friends.

When I moved to Northern Virginia, I found out that people get more used to "diversities". There are many Korean groceries, Indians, Latinos, etc. I was excited to be a part of this opened community. However, reality has been the same as previous experience: I hardly ever get a phone call to hang out during weekends, or holidays. In fact, I never get invited to any family houses for a dinner. I don't think people realize it. People in Northern Virginia have same excuse; "They are busy". Of course, we all are busy. I can't point to anyone because I haven't been able to invite them either due to my tiny town home and living with my in laws. However, still... my heart has ached to think about it really. I tried to get involved in small groups, but still none of people invited me for even lunch. How about my colleagues? Yes, I want to be their friends and I think I am but never been invited to their houses either even from my boss. What can I say more?

Why is it so hard to have good family friends? Why? Am I specially difficult to be hang out? I have asked several questions to myself but still could not figure it out.

I have many friends in various races. Most of them are from Indiana. I consider them as my family members. I call them often, send them cards, notes, and miss them like my family. They invited me and my family in their family thanksgiving dinners, Christmas dinners, weddings, and funerals. I cried and laughed with them thoroughly. But why is it not happening in here? what do I do differently in here? Am I the one who need to be changed? I still am not sure. Maybe God wants me to pray about this more seriously.

Learned a way from playing piano

While I was teaching a little girl the piano at her lesson, I realized a same method between how to play piano well and how to live well in this world; fix our eyes on the Lord. well... for piano case, fix our eyes on the score not the keyboard. My student had a hard time not to press wrong keys and she was only looking at the keyboard. I told her "Trust that your fingers will follow your eyes, believe or not! and just look at the score and read it through. Your fingers will follow your eyes." Tada~ yes, it worked! I think that is the way that I have live in this world. Fix my eyes to the Lord only! not in the world, not in my circumstances, not among people but only the Lord.
At Hebrews 12:2, we find the word; "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Even though we know so well that we have to look up only but why we fail so often?
Lately, I fix my eyes on this world, especially my circumstance all the time to figure things out. Sadly, there is no answer in this level. The answers can be found in the above! Ironically, whenever we face to difficult times, we have a tendency to find answers nearby in our circumstances, and ask questions to people to get the right answer. When my piano student get more confused, she never look up to find answer from the score. Rather, she looks only to the keyboard and tries to figure it out without the right answer!
God has told me to look up, fix my eyes upon Him only. None can give the answer to lead me to live well in this world.
It is also similar at the choir too. Whenever the choir gets lost, most choir members look only the score to figure it out where they are. They should have looked at the conductor who could tell them where the answer is! The choir mostly don't have time to have an eye contact with the conductor, and get worse. I know the situation so well because I have done that. However, when I look to the conductor, I could go back where I got lost right away.
So, the number one tip to live well in this world is "fixing our eyes upon the Lord!!"

Getting Free stuff

Do you like to get free samples at Costco? I do. Not only free samples, I do like get free anything. I don't know why but I like to get stuff as free. However, I have noticed that when I get something free, I usually do not give much attention to them. If I drop it on the way, I just do not have much feeling and throw away easily.
I had a chance to talk to several musician friends who teach music. We all agree that if we give free lessons, both students and parents usually don't pay attention to practice enough or even keep the lesson time on time. So, some of my friends have to make them pay, even though they pay less with their financial status. I did give some free lessons before with people who could not afford paying the lesson fees, and could tell you that for sure I agree totally with my friends! I should have asked them pay some. It never success; either they quit the lessons without telling me, or did not show up on time.

Some people even want to pay more to buy famous brands' products such as shoes, bags, clothes etc; as I heard, if the price is too low for the brand, people don't purchase them. So, the store manager told me once that they have to make the price higher than normal brands. Isn't it interesting?

I have thought about my salvation. It is given us as free. We did not do anything to get that. However, it is given through God's grace and mercy. Maybe because it is given as free, people have a tendency put the faith whenever they feel like. If the weather is too good to be inside, they skip worship services and go to outdoor to play. If it rains, they rather stay in bed a little bit longer for their comfort. If there is a soccer game in the afternoon, they want to spend an easy hours of morning time at home instead. I have thought about with the matters. What if we make people paying to get the salvation? I know in the middle age era, churches sold the ticket to the heaven. It was not right and I know totally well about it but still I think we are taking an advantage His grace and mercy. Don't you think?

It is not easy to give great priority and value without paying for anything. However, Jesus paid it all for us. That is the part we easily forget about.
Yes, Jesus paid it all.

Agony in Life

Life is made of full of battles; mostly battle with myself. Of course, as a christian, the battle with evil is true in my spiritual life. I want to talk about battles of physical disciplines.
I decided to work out at least five times a week since last year June. I did pretty well during summer because I love swimming. It was not difficult putting my swimsuit, going to swim each night for 30 min. I could tell you that there were many battles with excuses that I did not want to go but it was easier than colder days. I bought several working out DVDs to do at home after summer when the swimming pool was closed. I did regularly with the DVDs until it reached Spring. Spring is always a hard season for me to be focused to do anything. I often get into sort of depression; no...rather to call a lethargy season. I have made excuses not to run, or walk each day even. It has been pitiful to hear my excuses. Why is it so hard to do even 30 minutes of running or DVD? Even though I know it is worthy and important, I have a battle at least once before I start doing it. Why can't I be addicted to work out each day? Why can't I love exercising like drinking a cup of coffee each morning?
People can be addicted to stuff; interestingly those stuff are bad for people, but we do. Why are we like that? I wish that I can be addicted in prayers, reading bibles, or working out. People who are addicted to something, they can't live without them. I wish that I am desperate about my relationship with God in prayers; my family, friends, neighbors, or myself. Why is it so hard? Even doing only 30 min working out DVD is so hard to keep doing it regularly;even reading the bible for 20 min each day, even kneeling 10 min in front of God...etc.
The answer lands always in the same line; affection and love. If I love doing those, they will be any problems. Here is the bitter truth, if I love God, it will be no problem to kneel to Him each day, read His words because the love makes me doing them without even a fuss.
When we fall in love with someone, we do stuff to make the person happy without a doubt. We just do them for the love. I might be too sentimental to even mention about battles, disciplines in our lives but still.. I think the answer is having "love" toward all.
Love matters.

What if

Today is Maundy Thursday in the Holy week. I have read passion story in the book of Matthew this morning, asked several questions with "what if". You might have asked the same questions like me. The questions are not that impressive but I was wondering what really would happen. The first question has occurred at a scene of Gethsemane when Jesus went out for serious prayers, the disciples fell asleep deeply. What if they did not fall asleep and really prayed deeply with Jesus? How about Peter? What if he really prayed that night then would he deny Jesus still three times? What if Jesus prayed to God only for removing his cup? Did God answer his prayer? I know that it sounds too simple to even answer. However, I have thought about them. What if Peter did not deny but said "I am one of Jesus' disciples? What if Pilate told the Israelite that he could not put Jesus to be crucified? what if one of soldiers stood up for Jesus when he was beaten, said "don't beat this man! he is innocent!"? so many what if questions came up to my head this morning without ceasing. If I was there watching Jesus crucified, what I would do? I can't answer any of those questions but can tell for sure that whether I wanted to think with those what if questions, Jesus must have taken the Cross without a doubt to deliver us for sure. I also thought about God, the Father's heart to see His only Son got crucified. Not only Jesus, but also God must have had most difficult moment to let it happened. One word from Him could destroy all of the earth but He could not do it.
Asked one more question to myself, then, am I that much worth? Jesus died for each of us whether we feel worthy enough to deserve Him or not. It means yes, we all are worthy for Jesus and the Father. I just want to tell God "Thank you so much" for letting us know how worthy we are through Jesus. I pray that we all feel worthy no matter whom we are throughout the Holy week.
Ah, Holy Jesus.... thank you so much for your love. Ah, Loving Father, thank you so much for your endless love.

Birthday cake

Since I was two, I have had a birthday cake always on my birthday. Sometimes, I ended up blowing candles three, or four times within my birthday week among different groups of friends. That was good time. However, I hardly had a chance to blow candles on the birthday cake lately. First of all, people did not know about me much since I moved to VA. I hardly had a chance to go out to start friendship with anyone since my in laws have moved in with us. Finally, I did not want to get older from a couple of years ago.
My dad always told me a story why I have gotten my birthday cake specially and always. My grandparents lived with my family because my dad was the first son. (It is a custom in Korea.) After I started talking around one years old, I noticed myself that whenever birthday came, I wanted to sing "happy birthday" song with a cake and candles. My dad was too busy to remember when I turned to two, came back home with empty hands. Guess what he had to do? He was kicked out from home to buy a cake. My grandma made him. He could not find a bakery that still opened at that night, so he literally went to the door behind and begged them to sell a cake. Since that time, I have had my birthday cake always. When I still lived my parents, my dad repeated this story over and over to make sure that I get my birthday cake. So, I bought a birthday cake for myself today for tomorrow. Because tomorrow is Sunday, I will not have time to buy one or even blow candles after I am done with everything at church. So, I will sing the song tomorrow morning before I leave to the church and blow candles whether the family members will be awake or not, I will do it to honor my parents. My girls were teasing when I brought them to the bakery today that I bought my own birthday cake. I was feeling a little bit sad with self-pity but I bought it for my parents actually. I am sure if my dad is still alive, he must have asked me "did you have a birthday cake?" so, here I am that I bought a cake for myself to tell him that I did have a cake.
March is not my favorite month at all with mood swings, spring tiredness, lethargy, etc. However, I am deeply grateful to be born on this earth, especially in my family underneath my dear parents who deeply have loved me, and let me accepted Jesus as my Savior.

Even though I do not like to get older, I will still have my birthday cake whether with someone, or by myself. 

Being a Professional

While I was watching the super bowl, I could distinguish among players who are "professional" and "non professional" through their faces. Well, all of them are pro foot ball players but I still could distinguish who were more "pro" than the others by their attitudes, eyes, and even their smiles.
I have thought about "living life as a pro....". We give people titles as "professional" or "armature" by people's positions. It is also different from "full time employee" or "part time". Not only hours of working, but also their abilities, resource, education, even attitude are elements to distinguish between them. I thought, how about myself? Am I a pro anything? I could say, I am a professional conductor. What else? How about a professional Christian? What makes being professional? If you learn how to play piano for more than 20 years, you become almost a professional. It depends on how much you practice and put your effort in it. I know we can not say "professional Christians". We could say "real Christians". Then, who are the real Christians? However, the word "professional" still convicts me on this matter. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was ten. Then, I am more than 30 years experienced to be a christian. Think about that you work for one job for 30 years. You must have become a professional on that job at least.

I just thought about it and want to live as a pro-Christian. How about you? wondering how I could be one; maybe I need to ask the one who showed us how to; Jesus. "Living like Jesus" must have been the answer. Maybe...because of the obvious answer, we hardly become pro. Why is it so hard? maybe...it is our eternal goal in our lives on earth.

Lean life.

I wonder why people need to workout to live in healthy life. I certainly have in mind that "we have to workout regularly." Whether I am active or not, I gain weight and feel more tired if I do not workout. Whenever people talk about working out, I tell them " I love working out." I honestly do not like it. I love swimming at an outdoor pool during late afternoon. That's it. I sometimes like to run when it's sunny and breezy. However, I tell people "I love to workout". I think that I do that to make myself hearing and confirming that I would like it like....a spelling myself "I like to workout, I like to workout...." How about you? Do you like to workout?
I do not think Jesus did workout. However, I am 100% sure that he was a lean person. I don't think that he ate only organic, fat free food either. He just must have been diligently working hard as a carpenter and walking miles a day to visit the sick, teach people. And he was not like me who like to eat extra when the food is tasty or indulge with food. His interests must have been in "soul food" and feeding "the hunger" with the food. I bet that he often skipped meals without notice because His focus was not in the real food.

One of my goals in 2012 is being "lean". It means many things: my physical body, and my mentality. "Being lean" to me is not too skinny but with enough muscle; no over-weight with unnecessary fat that is from greedy life.
When I am lazy, I gain weight with flabby fat. When I am spiritually lazy, I become dull in my spiritual sight and hearing with filthy worldly stuff.
It sounds too personal to share but it is true for me at least. When I am fully content spiritually, I do not look for unnecessary stuff including chocolates, candies, cookies, clothes, shoes, etc. However, when I feel really need something, I could tell you that I am not very content in Him. I know it sounds too much to be convinced but it is true to me at least.
So, I decided to work out regularly whenever I have a chance physically and spiritually. When I want to stay in a couch, watching something un-important stuff through the Internet, I tell myself "Yoon, you love to workout". When I want to stay in bed in the morning, I tell myself "Yoon, it is time to meet God". Prayer is the most important workout time for me spiritually. Prayer and workout have similarities: neither one is easy, both of them require time and focus-labor, and both never been favorites among people. However, I know that both of them will help me to be a lean person. And both will help burn my unnecessary fat.

Late Happy New Year!

I am very sorry to my viewers that I haven't been able to update my blog in 2012. I have written several drafts but could not finish always. Please forgive me. However, I wish you all Happy New Year!!Praying that your new year is filled with God's blessings!
As you notice, I have been writing each week on my church blog to update anthems and music. That is my excuse. :) I will try to be more diligent writing at my blog.
I recently have started using my calendar more efficiently after I had a training about "Time management" among our church staff. Even though I knew how important it is to use time wisely, the training gave me detailed ideas to apply into my real life. So, I have been following the methods and it has been so far so good! We give five or six priorities goal of our lives; such as God, family, work, ministry, etc. And make schedule along with a big blocks such as scheduled appointments like meetings. I used to use three schedule books; one for work, one for family, the other one for myself. It did not work! So, I used one in my outlook calendar and write into my one big schedule book to carry around. Well... I know many of you already have a phone with those cool stuff to use but I don't. Anyway, it has been working well for me. I notice that when I see my schedule even one hour of "reading for resource", I start reading it no matter what. So, I did put one hour each morning of "writing my dissertation" since last Wednesday! And I have been writing whether it gives one page or less. Therefore, I even make schedule for "doing laundries, cooking dinner" in a certain block of hours. It helps me not only useing my time wisely and efficiently but also leading productive. I love it so much now.
Yes, this is a time to write to my blog that is why I could stop doing face book and started writing it. :) Don't worry that I do not get stressed when I do not follow them. Beyond all, it certainly has been helping me to manage myself. I strongly want to recommend!
God gives us same 24 hours each day to everyone. However, we use so differently. Sometimes, we just waste them without knowing it. I think that the unknowing time is the key to manage. I am glad that I don't have a cable TV service. If I do, I must have been spending majority of unknown, un-planned time to be in front of TV. I don't oppose people who have the service, but I just am grateful that I don't. When I watched closely myself how I use unplanned time, I caught that I spent several hours watching, reading, or responding to Facebook consistently. So, I give a 30 min during lunch hour to check the FB. It helps me more productive!!
We often say how fast time goes by and regret how we should have used it. Now, I decided that instead of doing the regret, I will manage myself to follow the plan that leads to be productive.
God is above all in time or space as we all know. However, I believe that we have our will to be productive or not. I pray that I do keep praying and using time wisely without wasting. It is also stewardship for sure.