To be mold.

Finally, I signed a contract to buy a house last Wednesday. People said "Congratulations" whenever I told them " I bought a house". However, I didn't feel excited or happiness like a child who got a Christmas gift from Santa. I tried to find out why I did not feel that way. As I mentioned earlier in my note, my husband and I gave up the house while we were waiting for the closing. There were lots of thoughts and reasons. The most important reason was that neither of us had prayed seriously about it or had God's answer. I did not intentionally want to pray about buying a house after we decided to not to buy the house. However, I have started praying more everyday after I read the bible in the Sanctuary. I didn't pray for my house at all. I have praised the Lord how faithful He is and prayed for our church, ministries, and friends. One different matter between those times was my faith about the Lord. I trusted Him 100% in my head. However, while I was praying, my faith became the truth. The Lord led me to remember how faithful He has been in my life and to remember how wonderful Father He is and to realize He is the Lord. I said always "He is Faithful" and I do believe the truth but I still was worried about my husband's job, or my kids' futures and so on. But the prayer made me to be "worryless". Time to time, I worry. However, it is not "real" worries anymore to me because whatever He leads in front of me, the way is the right way whether the way is rough, or smooth. Some people say God's way is always smooth. I don't agree with the theory. His way is not always smooth physically. However, His way brings always His deep "peace". That was missing at the first time. I led the Lord to make me buy a house. However, I gave up totally not only physical stage of buying a house, but also the leadership.

I have been a fast runner and leader always. I can't stand someone who acts slowly, I can't stand being late, and I can't stand injustice. So, Those have been always problems for me because I act immediately not praying or asking God immediately.

That is why the praying time has been the most important time for me in my life to let everything go to the Lord. God is still working on me to be molded. And I am very happy and grateful about that even though to be mold is painful. Also, I give thanks to the Lord that He always waits for me to come back standing behind Him not in front of Him. He could just let me go any where I wanted to walk or run. However, He doesn't give up on me. I am just thankful that I have my Father who are merciful and faithful. "Lord, my Father, I love You so much!!"