Yes, finally... March is here! I think the person who named this month as March, did a wonderful job. March is a such active month especially among natures. March is also waking my senses; smell, sight, hearing, tasting, and touching; yellow flowers, green leaves, birds singing, tasty spring vegetables, and so on. In Korea, we start our schools on March as the first semester; new schools, classes, friends and so forth. I remember that I used to be very tired and kind of cranky and moody because of all those changes environment in March. The weather is still bitter in Seoul but you had to wear "Spring" clothes to be a cool kids. So, I had to wear colorful thin jackets in cold March. I do remember how cold it was but did not mind being cold because it is Spring. My mom used to make a special soup with spring vegetable. Hmm... I could smell it still.
On the other hand, March is special because I was born in the month. I was supposed to be born in middle of April but I came out as pre-mie. I did not like my birthday because it was in March. I did not have a chance to make "best" friends yet in my new class so, I had to invite new friends who I even did not know well enough to call "friends" in my birthday party. After I grow up, I did not like my birthday in March because it usually lands during "Lent". It was a good Friday a couple of years ago. So, I did not celebrate any but postponed until Easter. Fortunately, it is during Lent but not on Good Friday this year. However, it is on Wednesday. It means I will not have time to celebrate. This year is a very special year for me. Guess what! I am turning 40!YEAH!Finally.
My girls have been asking "mom, are you looking forward to having your birthday?" I did not know why they keep asking, and found out that they felt being 40 is really old. My sweet Christine cheers me up always " Mom, don't worry! you still look like thirty something." On the other hand, my honest Joanne goes " mom, I can't believe that you are almost forty!! It is old!!".
For me, forty is very blessed and special number even though I feel really old like my Joanne told me. I think the number forty itself is very meaningful. Jesus had fast and was tempted in the desert for forty days, Israelite was wondering forty years in the desert and entered the promised Land. Also, Moses. spent forty days in Mountain Sinai with God, Elijah spent walking forty days and night in Mountain Horeb, Noah had forty days of raining and Jonah told Nineveh to repent for forty days. It led me to think about my forty years life.
When I was young, I wrote a diary about being forty in my future. I do remember what I wrote. I wrote that I will have a nice beautiful house, beautiful children with a handsome husband, wonderful job in college, and being a wise and beautiful woman. I even drew a picture with the diary. I do remember. Amazingly, I do have a beautiful house, beautiful children with a handsome husband, and a job. I am not sure about being wise and beautiful yet.
Lately, I made my goal what I need to do before forty but have not reached the goal yet. Most of all, I am afraid of my hearts become hard like callus with my old bad habits or mind. I want to be a mature and strong in faith and closer to the Lord but I want to have a soften hearts like a baby.If I have soften hearts, I will obey right away when He calls me or tells me to fix some wrong parts of mine. Also, whenever God wants to talk to me, He feels comfortable telling me right away because He knows that I will listen right away. I want to have that kind of heart. I want to be a woman who is still thoughtful but witty, strong but meek, loving but wise, open but bold, and flexible but faithful.
Well... I have exactly twenty more days to pray and reach my goal! Let's start right now to kneel to the Lord.
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